The Invasion will not be Blogivised

Sorry, Occupied.

2011-12-04T18:52:00.001-08:00

ahhh.

Yeah. Just think about it. Don't DO anything...just think.

Another day where I make my merry way into my job being the government guy.

I've been a government guy for a few years now, I just got to be government guy in exciting locations where I got to dress down and drive over mountains and eat questionable food at road houses.

These days - I'm a government guy in a capital city, on the 12th floor of a government building.

It's a different way of working...I still get to travel a bit (I help direct health programs in remote areas...it's complex) but it's always to a regional centre.

I'm pretty government-y these days.

I still get to see the direct results of my efforts assisting getting programs running so they have the most effect on people who need them though - which is what I liked about my old jobs - I got to make a clear difference, I could see real change in the efforts I was making.

In the past few weeks the spring in my step was occasionally dampened by being abused by some people living in tents in a park who wanted to tell me what an awful person I am.

Lets call them "occupy Brisbane" because "shouty person in a tent", or "the morning drumming circle" just doesn't do them justice.

I'm going to assume you've heard of the "Occupy" movement.

A protest with no real leaders that started by AdBusters Magazine.

The founder: Kalle Lasn here is a little bit of info on him.

The reigning in of the ability of corporations to be a profit machine with no social responsibility, or not paying enough back to the governments that allow them to exist in the form of taxes.

That's a great point.

You don't have to dig too much to find a Union Carbide type of company that was able to make squillions in profits, but didn't exactly set the standard for social responsibility.

If you've never heard of the Bhopal disaster, or the Hawks Nest Tunnel disaster, go have a look - I'll be here when you come back.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Carbide

There are plenty of examples.

Hardy asbestos fun and games.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Hardie

entertain yourself with this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Industrial_accidents_and_incidents

The fact is - when the companies bugger of to become a company in the Netherlands, the government picks up the pieces, so we need to make sure we can afford all this prosperity.

So - after a fashion, the key messages of the "99%" seem kind of right on, and I can totally back those sorts of ideas.

However - in a "leaderless movement" there then exists the possibility of "Message creep". and so as the "Occupy" guys started to set up - both here and in the States, each camp started to get all of the other little "add ons" that happen when there is an open mic and an angry drumming circle.
For instance - the signs that started to creep in about any one of the people in the parks pet conspiracy.

Like the signs and lectures about "Chemtrails".

if you aren't hip to it: "The chemtrail conspiracy theory holds that some trails left by aircraft are actually chemical or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for purposes undisclosed to the general public in clandestine programs directed by government officials"

You CANNOT convince a hippy that Chemtrails don't exist.

If there is a flu epidemic and an aeroplane has gone over anytime in the last 3 years - it's Chemtrails."Supporters of this conspiracy theory speculate that the purpose of the chemical release may be for solar radiation management, population control, weather control, or biological warfare/chemical warfare and claim that these trails are causing respiratory illnesses and other health problems"

So - the central message about corporate responsibility rapidly became about the redistribution of wealth, and then it dissolved into how the secret society known only as "The Pentaverate" who meet every year in a secret location are putting things into KFC to make you want to eat chicken.

..but you know, no need for a non-cool structure.

we're taking back Wall Street. or in this case...the park land on top of post office square that people eat their lunches in as it's on top of the food court.

We don't actually have a Banking or Stock market district...so I guess that had to do.

Not sweating the details is the real thing here.for instance...Yoko Ono is a supporter of the Occupy Wall Street movement. She is from a Japanese Banking family so powerful and upper class that she went to a exclusive school with the EMPEROR, and now manages the dollars her late husband's estate generates. (just to remind you - he was a Beatle, and half of the Lennon-McCartney song writing team).

But yeah - corporations...bad...seems like a cool idea, so yeah...she's totally behind it.

She could buy the freaking park that the "Occupy" guys are on and give it to the protesters if she wanted, but let's not sweat the details ok?

So... a message on corporate responsibility, made all that more relevant in light of how only a small number of companies were responsible for the financial crisis that the USA went through recently, ended up getting blurred, and achieved...not very much.

in the end they:

Made everyone who walked past them in the morning think "I haven't been camping in ages"
Ruined a park that had to be used for the Remembrance Day services.
Yelled at people getting coffee about what victims they are
Did a couple of hilarious live Internet broadcasts (Don't leave the cameras on - Vox Pops is not a good idea with that made acid casualties around).
and kind of made it look like we need Americans to dictate our social consciousness as well as our foreign policy.

..and the really annoying things is - I clearly agree with some of the better articulated things they were upset about.

It's all about appropriate protesting.

If you just want to get your message in the media - then - what ever you need to do I guess can be justified.but at some point when you are jumping up and down saying "look at me, look at me, look at me" someone is likely to say "ok, we're looking at you - what do you want?" and you have to have a better plan that to then say "When will you all look at me? why are you not looking coward?" because obviously people were, and...you had nothing to say.

One of my pet peeves is the people who complain to security guards at airports about...security at airports.

If you catch the minister for defence or transport doing the screenings - go right ahead. lay it on them, ask some poignant questions.but if it's a guy who had 2 days training and get $20 bucks an hour - mind your goddamn manners.

they clearly do not dictate the federal legislation that gives them their jobs.

They are happy to have a job, and you are a jerk, If anything you are saying "Please abuse the small amount of power you have to teach me a lesson in manners and appropriate behavior" - we can that a bag search that takes forever and messes up your clothes.

I had a professor in a lecture I was in say smugly "I always ask them "have you caught any terrorists yet?""It annoyed the bejesus out of me so I interpreted him to ask why he was doing that - and what did he expect to happen as a result of that behavior.

A man as educated as him should know better. The rest of the class were a little shocked, but he took my point and after the class told me I was one of the most articulate people he'd ever met. so I guess I didn't offend him too much.

It's not a form of protest to annoy those guys, it's just being a dickhead.

In Alice we once had a bunch of kids bus in from Sydney and Melbourne to protest Pine Gap. They yelled at the local security guards that worked at the outermost gate (Not Americans - just local guys), annoyed everyone in town, and as they packed up set fire to a camp site that was near sacred sites.

Can you imagine the Minster of Defence losing sleep over that?

I've worked as the guys who has to draft a response when you write to a minister.

It's awful, but it's the best way to get something out there.

The responses have to be factual, there is a time limit on how long till you get a response, and someone high up has to approve them. If you really ant to get an issue to a minister's attention - write to their office in their electorate, and then they will find the right department for a response.

You will probably get twice as many Ministers involved. Especially if it's in an election year, and you get a few people to write.The reason is - a minister will have to assume that each letter is representative of a percentage of people in their electorate. If you are writing then they will have to assume there are a whole bunch of other people who are upset too - but can't be assed to write to them.

If you get a couple of people - that my friend is a LOCAL ISSUE, and they get to weigh up if it's worth getting involved in.

Grass roots works, grass roots with a bit of media works too.

Ground swell works too - but there has to be an actual ground swell.

Most Social problems can be solved by drumming circles at 7:48am.

I don't know how many Australian know that the James Hardy company is now registered in Ireland. or that the government basically let them sneak out the door and now claim that they have absolutely no association with the shelf company that they left behind to pay for the damages their products have done.

I do know that though and you know what - It does make me a bit angry.I'm not going to sleep in a park and yell at people going to work, but it makes me angry enough to sign a petition, or forward an email to a minister.

Protesting by yelling at the people who work at the company they left holding the baby won't help.

I, like many Australian, protest with my Vote.

We vote governments out - not governments in.If you want to set an agenda for the next election - here's my hint.

The Ministers don't live in the park.

KFS.

The Purity Test. AKA I'm keeping this, call it jerk tax.

2011-10-13T15:01:00.000-07:00

I found a credit card today
I was walking from the train station, the place where the station flows out onto the street where there are traffic lights.
I was half asleep, so I saw it on the ground and picked it up without thinking, looked at it briefly and popped it into my pocket.
Other people had seen the credit card on the ground, but hadn't done anything.
so when I picked it up - I had them looking at me, and they had a face on that was pretty much - "oops. If he's a baddie then it's kind of my fault when he exploits the "under $50 no need to sign" rule at a girly bar later on today"
I kept walking, and didn't really examine the card until I was a bit far away - I thought it would look too suspicious if I examined it there and then - and I was too sleepy to really do much anyway.
My basic motor skills at that time of day are taken up with things like "avoid todays person in a costume who wants money" This week I have been offered newspapers, fisherman's friends, lolly pops, and the usual array of people wanting money for the environment or the poor, or the charity that raises money for people who are injured while they are dressed as a fund raising animal and someone decks them for being in the way when they wanted to get to work or just get home.
So I avoided the girls in latex giving out fishermen's friends (not making that up) and got the hell out of there.
After paying for breakfast with the card - I called he bank it was from to tell them I had it.
I kid.
After paying for breakfast and a high class prostitute with the card I called the bank.
Again I Kid!
She was mid range.
They asked me to cut up the card and that was that.
Which I did, which didn't stop me from making some quick internet purchases with the number I had written down.
Again I kid. The internet is too slow - I called shops and had deliveries made.
It was obviously someone's atm card and all of that, and she was a Mrs, and I expect she was probably freaking out about it being out on the street somewhere.
There are a bunch of adds on TV at the moment that have the "honesty Test" where they give people too much change, or drop money in front of them.
if someone dropped money infront of me - I'd a) look for the camera crew b) then return it to them. If I saw the camera crew - I would go "Bhah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa - the money is MINE!" and stand there and laugh like an evil genius. I may even laugh so much a grab my heart and fall over. That'll learn 'em.
If couldn't see who's money it is - it's mine essentially.
But what amount would I feel I should report it?
$400 bucks?

$400 in a money bag that said "Christmas fund" I would probably report.
$600 on a gold money clip that said "Rich Jerk Club" maybe not.
There is a moral grey area based on the hardship I think that the person who lost it would go through.
$20 at an ATM. mine. even if they are next to me. all mine.
What mount makes you a jerk? The moralist would say "any amount" but as firm believer in Social Darwinism, I say "leaving money around is an unsuccessful behavior."
What about other lost property? Again, I think there is an invisible line that everyone has, but we don't know it until we get there.
Have you ever tried to turn in money to a police station?
There is a look that they give you that says "shit..really? that means a heap of messing around. You know we're just going to pop it in the xmas fund right?"
In my poorer student days I went around some of the more affluent suburbs during "hard rubbish throw out" season. However, it is still technically theft. Some places have people defend their rubbish. How petty is that?
What if it was you?" asks the imaginary argument guy. (who lets that guy in?)
Well...it has happened. I had the entire xmas staff party money in my wallet to take to the place the xmas party was on one year.
It was like $800 bucks, so as a result I was treat my wallet like it was the dead sea scrolls.
So, what happened? Instead of putting it in my pocket - I was CARRYING IT AROUND.
and I....left it on the roof of the car.
I got the wallet back 3 days later - it was handed in at a golf club not far from where I lost it.
They left me $20 bucks.
Leaving me $20 was the thing that for some reason annoyed me the most. Why? it's like a final "I'm not such a bad guy" from the people who knicked the xmas fund.
What did I do?
I had to pay for the entire staff xmas party. There is no way you can tell peope you lost their tips in the 3 hours it was yours to be the custodian of. There is no way you could tell people that that wouldn't sound like "Hey guess what? I discovered Heroin!".
But here's the thing. It will never happen to me again. because if I ever have a large sum of money - I know what happened to me that fateful day in 1993 and now know what to do.
Painful lesson? yeah sure. But a lesson none the less.
Does that mean I can morally bugger off with someone else money?
no. it doesn't.
If it was a wallet you have everything you need to find the person responsible.
I even tried to find the person who's credit card I found today - but no such luck.
but if I found a bundle of money....I just don't know what amount it would take for me to report it...it would depend on the day I guess.

My Ute was stolen once...the really hurtful thing was that they didn't steal my cds. Bastards. It's one thing to knick my ute, it's another thing altogether to imply that my taste in music is crap.
If I see someone drop money in town - I'm going to look around for the camera crew and then steal their equipment.
and if I DID steal your wallet.
I'm going to take ALL of your money....it just seems like the right thing to do.
KFS

not that hungry. AKA Flat Out of Hell

2011-10-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

Oh my lordy.I watched the start of the Australian Football League (?) grand final this weekend.(I know it's called AFL..it could stand for "All For Love" but that would be very Robin-hood-esque)
The reason I watched the start was for the "pre-game entertainment". Some times it's good, sometimes it's off the mark for the event, sometimes it's bad.Like when you realise someone is miming...and sometimes
it's....Meat Loaf.
Last year there were two grands finals - this is about as far as my football knowledge goes.

The first game ended in a draw - so they had to play again.

It doesn't happen very often - so there's no "overtime rule" or something like that. It's not Soccer, there aren't only 5 or 6 goals in a whole game, there are multiple points and goals scored.
any way the upshot of this was that we got 2 rounds of warm up entertainment.

The first round was INXS. With Johnny Bravo, or JD Salinger or someone as the new front man. You can just call him "Not Michael Hutchence" as that's pretty much how everyone refers to him.

If a band ever had a "we're here - just give us a sack of cash" it was INXS. Bobby Fortune isn't great anyway...but in Australia he's pretty much a foreigner in the front of an Australian band. they have apparently relaced him with an Irish guy now - that may be better - at least he's in the commonwealth...

Because there was the need for a quick replacement - they got someone who was on tour - they got Lionel Ritchie.

..and you know what - he rocked.

Flash forward a year - and they have another big name to provide the opening fun.

They got Meat Loaf.You want a guy to sing an opus.This is your guy...apparently.I tuned out around the "anything for love" era - I still don't actually know what he was promising not to do...probably forgetting to put the washing on...most relationships get there eventually.I do know the words to a few of his songs, and have more than a few friends who can (sadly) recite the monologue in "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", and will do so. Even if you ask them not to.

That song is actually one of the "most time for you $2" song list for monopolising a jukebox. The others are American pie, the 15 minute version of Voodoo Child, and the Doors "when the Music's Over". There are longer - but you won't likely find them in an average pub. You may find Jethro Tull occasionally - Thick as a Brick is up there too. If you find "Inna-gadda-da-vida" pop it on and run - people will throw glasses at your head rather than listen to Iron Butterfly these days.

but I digress.

The Loaf was....awful.

Not just "wow he went a bit flat there" or "ha! he got the words wrong" he was "holy crap he's having a stroke" awful.

He was "That guy might be on a drug of some kind" awful.

I was watching the twitter feed - because I was on my iPad while watching TV - because these days I get weird if I'm not multitasking. The comments were the same as mine- asking if there was something wrong with him - not teasing - genuine concern. "Get a stretcher and a med team" type of concern.

It's so bad...it's hypnotising.

You can try to sing as off key and out of time as he did - but it's actually really hard - I've been trying to imitate him all weekend.

Watch the whole thing and then come back to me.

He starts out bad, but you still have the "well it's a stadium and maybe that's why his timing is off", then you think that that's why he might be a bit off key.

I watched Rocky Horror on the weekend. He used to know how to annunciate. On key or not.

But all he is doing is yelling "HAWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTT PAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOO-TEEEEEEEEE!" after mumbling through the words from the song from Rocky Horror.

and from the start - he's not even hitting that.

as it gets on - he deteriorates.

All he had to do was say "you took the words right out of my mouth" while Patti Russo props the whole thing up. Without the backing vocalists there would be no way to know the speed the songs supposed to be going at. We're at 33 and a 1/3 , the Loaf is at about 23.

By the time they get to I would do anything for Love, Patti is well and truly the only person who should have been on the stage.

She's powerful and can sing. the contrast is shocking. She's sung with orchestras doing Beethoven's Immortal Beloved.

by the time it gets to "I won't do That" someone should have turned his mic off.
5:23 it's as bad as it gets...

Post game on Monday - the head of the AFL has said "Meat Loaf gave his best".

no. The Jamaican Bobsled team did their best. they failed...but they tried.

This is someone who was paid in excess of $500,000.

Not the "everyone gets a medal" day at Little Athletics.

There are apparently thousands of ticket holders who are trying to get their money back before the concerts ringing the ticket people today.

there is no way this guys manager would think he is up to scratch. Being that the Loaf used to be incredibly talented....how can he not tell how off he is now?

At what point is it an artists responsibility to have full disclosure? There is something clearly wrong.

I did a bit of a Youtube safari and compared concert footage, tracing a time line.
You can see him getting worse and worse, it's not a new thing.

There are thousands of people who have paid for tickets to see this guy sing very very badly.

I was almost one of them.

I've seen Stand up comedians fall flat - link here.

but they- the poor fools - honestly thought they were funy.

You can't sue someone for being off key.

but at this stage - I would have preferred to have seen JD Fortune sing Meat Loaf songs.

mmmm...get me a promoter on the phone...

Spring clean

2011-09-27T15:51:00.001-07:00

Expect some craziness while I update the format and things.
There will be a "dynamic" splash page, as I kind of like the look of it - especially on the iPad...but the interface is a bit buggy.
There will also probably be a move over to another URL..... There are a couple of posts in the works...more soon.
Have almost finished the India trip that has taken me more than a year to type up...I'm working on a real world book of published pictures with journal entries along side them at the same time, so I'm getting a little distracted with the project, but the book looks awesome.
KFS.

India 9.1.10 Verakala

2011-09-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

India Kerala 9.1.10

Kerala! Gone, hello.....um...Verakala?

Train caught! Train disembarked at the right station.

This took some doing, as the stations weren't announced, and we didn't know how many stations there actually were. We tried asking a few people, but once you're out, you can't get back in, especially with 400 pound backpacks. Those things make you less dainty than you'd like if you're jumping from train to train.

We'd spent the day killing time in Kerela.

We sat in a very dank room watching movies in the afternoon and trying to sleep a little bit. I've now seen "girl interrupted". Woot. When we jumped trains and hit the station we we're thinking about logistics on how to get to the hotel...but wait...a dude with my name printed on a piece of paper.

Yaaaaaaaayyyyy. Into the car. Quick beer at our hotel to celebrate our success and we ventured down the street. We're right on a cliff top, next to a Helipad. If a helicopter has ever landed here may be debatable...Once we're on the cliff side there is a paved path that takes us for miles of nothing but shops, caves, bars and book shops. Very much like Bali. No cars, no cows.

Short walk to a nice looking place and suddenly I have a long island ice tea. Ok. I can stay here for a few days.

And now it's today.

I'll venture back out along the cliffs and find a bookshop and sit around. At some point I'll wander down the cliff to the beach for a walk.

Trying not to think about the trip being almost over. The stresses I left behind are starting to creep into my thoughts - so I have to shush them as soon as they bubble up. There have been people on my mind for the whole trip, and when I get home I'm going to have to do some decision making. Running away never works.
Right now I can hear distant waves, and feel a sea breeze while I have my coffee, so that should be enough to keep me distracted.

12:52 - after some walking and photos.
Tibet is the new black. It is on every t-shirt i can see...
This is a very westernized area, there is next to no begging, no cows (or they were here and they just fell of the side of the cliff...) even the sales guys are only half hearted in their spruking. In my last desperate bid to find dental floss I went to a cosmetic dentistry place and ended up getting a quote on getting the chip in my front teeth filled in.

I have a consultation at 6:15pm. I'd like to think it's why I don't smile - but it's really an excuse. We'll see how brave I am later today.

The prices are pretty crazy too.

This must be the first / only point off call for some tourists, so the prices are a bit steep. The shop guys get a bit snarky when you only want to pay an un-crazy price. I just bought a shirt for 275rp, the starting price 800.

The trick is still in the commitment you have to the walk away. If you start the walk away, you have to be willing to keep walking. They can tell if you're faking.

The best offers happen when you're already down the street. You get to "this is my own price, if I sell you this I make no profit." and you're almost there. Follow that up with a "no thank you" and walk. If they go to exactly your sale price, you kind of have to buy it at that stage.

I have a 7 dollar shirt now that I'd be ok with leaving here if I had too.I'm having a brochette right now in the café italliano.

Time for another drink while I wait for my friend....

India 7.1.2010 Kerela - the lost entry

2011-09-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

Pages in - found where I accidentally popped the rest of the day in the wrong place - here I present one of the best afternoons of my trip - back in chronological order!

India 7.1.2010 Kerela - the lost entry!

After Lunch we fell asleep for an hour or so. it was either the two vodkas, (after working so hard to find it - we had to sample some, and if we ever do find tomato juice - we are sooo ready to rock for a bloody mary). When we woke we travelled a little more down some of the canals to our resting spot next to people who live on that water ways. A few minutes up from where we had moored there were rice fields, complete with buffalo. The sun was setting behind the trees and and reflected on the watery fields. nice.

We ventured further up to a school / place of worship. Little dudes ran out showered us with hibiscuses, and they asked if we had any pens.

Finally a pen moment, - and we don't have our pens on us.

1 little girl gave me a flower and I decided to come back with my swag of pens.

Mohamad Bob's crazy call to prayer radio station rang out while we walked back to the boat- so by the time we got back the kiddies were all singing and praying. Not wanting to disturb them, we asked the lady sitting outside if we could leave the pens for the kids as we didn't want to annoy any one. She nodded silently, it seemed understanding our wish to move quietly like pen giving phantoms that were respecting the religiosity that was going on around us.

then in Hindi she yelled something along the lines of "HEY EVERYONE THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE OUT HERE WITH PENS THAT THEY ARE TRYING TO GIVE AWAY. IGNORE GOD AND FLOCK OVER HERE!"

So the kids and adults all swarmed on us. I handed out pens to the smallest hands I could see, the rest went to the adults and some random old ladies that happened to be passing. Oh well. That was fun, we emptied the whole box.

We have one box still to go.

India 07.01.2010 Kerela - part 2

2011-09-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

India 8.1.2010 Kerela

Dinner was magnificent. Sadly lunch was also, so we were really too full to eat anything much. Right now I could eat it all - but last night we were popping food on our plate and moving them around so it looked like we'd eaten something. The sort of thing a kid does to make it look like they have tried to eat their veggies.

There was quite a fan fare as they had remembered to include a bottle of wine with our meal. It was "Port Wine"

so obviously we didn't drink it with dinner. A sip of it after dinner told us that perhaps it was a wine to be drunk with dinner, it was a wine not to drunk at all without the fear of blindness. We used the DVD player to watch one of the movies I bought way back in Jodhpur. The one set in 2050 in Bombay was tried. The movie took the entire of one DVD to just get them to the future, by the time we got to the 2nd DVD we were exhausted and it was time for bed.

There is one small sheet and one small blanket, let the battle commence!

We slept in, and by the time we got up and re-packed (I had to empty my bags to find the DVDs) and stepped out, we only had 30 minutes left till they got us back to the the house boat docks. It was all a little too fast. We were still having breakfast when we pulled in.

Our plan had been to just lark about "in town". It was largely too darn hot at 9ish when we got out of the boat - so we decided to try for a cheap hotel for the day. We ended up at a place that was so "no frills" it should probably just make the jump over to being a brothel, or asylum, or something.

Just having a base of operations is always better. We watched a Kevin Cline movie while we repacked all our stuff and tried to ignore the smells and stains on the walls.

We ventured out into Kerela. It's not a tourist town, so we couldn't find a coffee shop or anywhere to hang out. So we asked Mr Rickshaw driver to take us down to the beach. This is where the resorts are, but it,s a quiet kind of place. Picking one at random, we climbed the stairs and and sat in a deserted cafe.

The beaches were surprisingly big, with very white sands. It's all strangely empty though. It is the heat of the day, so maybe it livelies up at night.

We sit have 5:15 Hours to kill, best drink our coffee slowly as there will only be so much fun to be had at the train station. At least there are chips. mmmmm chips.

Logo.

2011-08-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

No reason just thought I should go Hi-Def.
Here are some of the older logos for a trip down logo memory lane...

The new one looks better - there have been a few trips into blog redesign, but this theme always stands the test of time.

India 07.01.2010 Kerela

2011-08-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

on the boat!

We got here eventually. If the driver was a little conservative in the speed stakes yesterday - today he was essentially a pensioner. Driving through the bustle of the city to the laid-backness of the waterways - ok...so there are cars everywhere still.

On the hiway to Kerela he didn't get into 3rd gear, people were just going insane driving around us. The car even complained.

We almost made it to the houseboat on time, but Eve is on a quest to have a Bloody Mary, so we had to find tomato juice. We went up and down the road near the canals to the shops looking. Each shop was more unlikely that the last. We eventually came to a "V Mart" super market. yay!

They had everything BUT Tomato juice (and dental floss - darn). o we cut our losses and bought some lemonade and to go with our hard won Vodka.

We had asked our driver yesterday for 2 things Tomato juice and red wine. Instead of the many many shops in Cochin he decided to wait until we were in the boondocks to start the search. not a planner. It wasn't so succesful.

The Government approved bottle sho[ps are only one small step above hillbilly moonshiners meeting around a campfire.

We eventually pulled into a hotel with a restaurant as a last ditch effort and just bought a bottle from the bar.

there was 100 billion markup but we didn't care by then we needed the booze.

All was forgotten by the time we got to the houseboats.

oh the decadence.

We're on a split level hotel with a staff of two.The Captain and the Cook. The boat has a licenced capacity of 16 - so there's room.

We have just finished our lunch as I write this. Only 5 dishes...what a rip off.

Where's my massage.

It unbelievable.

We're floating in the middle of the lake now, but extends out to the horizon in almost all directions. Occasionally we pass another boat and give them a casual wave.

Listening to Michelle Shocked signing "Got No Strings" from the album of Disney songs. it's as "on the Bayou" a moment as I could imagine.

Now I think a nap is in order while while we float lazily down the river.

KFS.

Training

2011-08-24T15:04:00.001-07:00

Well here I am in the big city. Me and over 2 million people live or work in Brisbane.
And almost all of those f**kers want my seat on the train.

I get on the train at Helensvale, which is strictly speaking part of the next shire over, the train is the express ride to the city for all of us who have mismatched jobs/homes.
I'm used to long train rides, my parents split up when I was about 3, and from that point on worked on a secret program to see how long you could make 3 kids sit on a train every second weekend before they began to not really hold much value in a family unit.
The answer is: 76 minutes.
After that you'll just get off the train at any random station and get in the car with someone else's kids.
If it's a large family they won't even notice you're a ring in until waaaaay after dinner.
Let's just say my childhood involved long train rides, reading a lot, and the secure knowledge that the "brown rattler" type of trains scared my sister to bits. Incase you have forgotten, the windows on those things could take a child's hand off, and the doors sometimes DID NOT OPEN.
The ride from Riverview station to Narangba station takes 1 hour and 39 minutes. At some point I could name every station...I suspect I still could.
I read a lot of books. I wasn't a keen bean in English class. I was just freaking bored. I had read the assigned books for the year by week 5.
At one point my brother and I got like 150 marvel team up comics. I used to carry about 80 with me. I was prepared for Borden when it would strike.
Years later I would be getting on a flight from Darwin to (eventually) Canberra with a co-worker. My usual stock was an iPod, a laptop, a book, 2 magazines, and I later bought a personal DVD player and noise cancelling headphones. She asked me if I had anything to read. I opened my pack to her. She looked at me and said "you seem to be pathologically scared of borden" and I guess she may be right.
Either that, or I have seen it's measure and said "you will not defeat me!" and I am prepared. These days I have an iPad. At any given time it has about 600 comics on it - thanks to the magic of bit torrent, and I get my subscription to Wired directly on my magic window. So not much has changed since I was in primary school really. I should get all those Marvel Team-ups back again...
The trip I take on the train each morning is only 50 minutes. But it's 50 minutes at 6:26 in the morning.
I will often wake up and find that I am dressed and whizzing past Beenleigh Station. If I have pants on -then it's a good day.
The thing is, everyone else is usually pretty tired too, so everyone is looking for a seat that they can sit in and go into a fugue state for the next hour or so.
To get there, you've got to be on your a game.
You don't hear the train coming and think "oh I hope I get a seat" and stand like a dope on the station.
No sir.
I have a regular cohort of people who catch the train at the same time as me. Their names are "tall blonde girl" "guy who dresses way down" "yuppie couple" and "woman who looks like she would be a really nasty pasty".
They probably think of me as "vest guy" or "iPad guy".
There are others who catch the train, but they ain't playas.
Playas know where the doors are when the train stops.Playas also know that the person who is to the right or the left of this spot will have to press the button to open the door.
This is a chump move.
That person won't even be in the first 5 people who gets on the train.
Playas also know that you still have to have that door open as soon as it can be. So there is often a stalemate of sorts that happens. If there is a pause longer that 5 seconds, we may as well all go home, as that is enough time for someone from the other door to walk down the train carriage to what should be OUR SECTION.
The reason it's do or die at our stop is because we are basically the last stop where you can all get a seat, after us it's standing up ville. As a result, we have to be competitive, or you've got a seat next to

the fat guy
The business man who is working, but on a laptop from the 1920's it will be way too big for the 2 of you to sit comfortably
Anyone talking loudly on a mobile
Teenager asserting his individuality by sitting in a way that takes up more that 2, or possibly 3 seats
The person hawking up mucus like a medieval peasant
The person talking to people that either aren't there, or are a few seats away and trying to not make eye contact with him
Anyone whistling

I have sat next to, or been on a 4 seater thing with each of these people in the last 7 days.
What everyone is after is the holy grail of "person I have to sit next to" the small kinda thin office girl who smells nice.You don't find her by accident. Oh no my friends.
You have to be on your game as early as when the train is coming in to the station, you have to be looking in the windows, you have to have a game plan.
Sometimes a good game plan won't help.

This morning I had to make a quick "sitting forwards or backwards?" judgement call.
I ended up going forwards, but next to a bloke.He was reading Psalms from the bible. Instantly I realised I wouldn't be able to watch the episode of Tru Blood I downloaded last night. The same goes for my hard core jesus themed pornography.
It just that easy to ruin a well planned train trip.
Getting on in the city, everyone is kind of already staring around, so all you have to do is make sure you're not in the "pressing the door open button chump zone".
You can still be unlucky and end up behind "the time traveller from Edwardian England who wants to be polite to everyone" there is a time and a place for "oh no, AFTER YOU MADAM" and it's not while 300 people are trying to get on a train. You can swap patterns for doilies once you get on. ....that guy is gonna get his monocle slapped off if he tries it again, let me tell you.
There is a place for some basic human politeness though. I've caught trains in India, so I've seen where the slope ends if we throw it all away.
If you're wearing a jacket, and the seat next to you is free....someone will probably sit on it. Don't make a show of having to pull irony from under someone else's butt. It's you fault the jacket was there, and if you weren't expecting people to get on a train at 4:32pm then you may want to ask yourself how you got this far in life anyway.
I miss signing on the way to work, but I don't miss parking. I miss being able to leave when I like, but I'm sure my carbon footprint is less. However I expend a lot of energy getting through the gauntlet of people either trying to give me things, or get things off me when I get out / into the station. Couldn't they just give things to each other and be a closed loop?

Well it's almost my stop now...so I better finish this video, it's called "Nazareth pants party" I'm sure it's a winner.
KFS.

Life in the big big city

2011-08-11T14:15:00.001-07:00

And by that I mean Brisbane.
I've been out of big cities for a while - except on holidays of stay overs - it's been about 10 years since I lived in a city.
I knew I'd been institutionalised the day I looked up at the buildings on one of my trips back to Brisbane in my first 2 years away. When you do that, you know you're in trouble.
To my credit I didn't say "wheeeee-howdy them's is big buildin's!" but it was close.
I was wearing what is essentially a cowboy hat at the time, so it was just all over not a good look.
So Strike 1

Then a few years later I was sitting in a coffee shop in Adelaide and I found myself wondering where all the dressed up people were going. They were just going to work.
Strike 2

Today in the city I noticed that I kept thinking that there were people I know every where.
There aren't. I know maybe 5 people in this city. But I keep doing it.
Why? Because I'm honestly used to walking down a city street and seeing 3 or 4 people I know by sight.
I think that's essentially Strike 3 for the yokel indoctrination.

It just the chances of someone you see looking like someone you know and BEING that person are actually pretty high in a small town.
In a bigger city, obviously not so, but it takes a while to counter that "psychological expectation management" as you are half way to saying hello before your brain kicks in and says "hold up buddy, that's not them" and then you remember that you a really long way away from everyone, and you get the inevitable pang of sadness.
Well not immediately, but after a few months...Or maybe I should just become the sort of person who says hello to strangers.
It would be good for me, except, I don't think I want to be friends with the sort of people who are ok with stingers walking up to them and starting a conversation, so that would be kind of pricing myself out of the market at the outset.

I guess I would never want to be in a club that would have me a member...but there is defiantly a mathematical explanation.
In Alice Springs you know a LOT of people by face. It's a small town. If someone goes to the same pub as you on roughly the same nights of the week...you will get to know them. More to the point, you will meet them and then say "ok....so how do we already know each other?" and in 23 minutes you've worked out that you were essentially engaged to his sister or something.
As a result when you see someone from Alice, you tend to go "hey!" and then your brain tries very very hard to work out their context.
I did exactly that once in Darwin, brain went "we know that chick really well" mouth went "hey!" she said "I used to work in the newsagent." so clearly it's not just me that does it....

It's a lot like when my sister came home from 3 years

being drunk

teaching in a small town in Japan.
When we got home from the airport, we walked down the shops. Mell kept going to introduce herself to everyone, as she had become accustomed to being part of a small community of westerners, so everyone was essentially a friend-in-waiting. She'd gotten used to being the minority.
I think in Darwin everyone's a minority, so we all just got used to it. My friend who came to live there for a while actually called it "an ex-pat community in Australia" and that about sums it up. And to a degree explains the drinking.

Right now though, I'm going to go and hug that woman over there who looks like my ex....you never know.
KFS

The 6:18 to snooze-ville

2011-08-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

If you ever need to ask what the essential differences are between countries. I can tell you the best litmus paper test ever.

Are you feeling safe enough to fall asleep on the train?
I'm still working the kinks out on my trip to my new job in the morning, so today, day 2, I arrived at the station earlier than I needed to, so early that the train before the one I wanted pulled up while I was locking up the car. "it's cold on the station" I thought "let's do this."
That's a lie of course. At 6:18am my thinking is not that articulate. It was more "mmmmrh?" "arrrr!" "yarrrrgh!" so by the time I was trying to combine the twin goals of safety and speed while running down the stairs, I was already kind of committed to the action of getting the earlier train. It was a few seconds later that I was in the doors that I realised the temperature difference and felt like it was a good idea.
If it was early for me getting on at my stop, I can only assume that the people who are on before me must say goodbye to their teddy bears and loved ones at around 3am. Or simply sleep in their cars, with any pretence of a normal life left behind a long time ago.

Or they may live in the trains. I haven't watched much Thomas the Tank Engine, but I do know that trains sleep in little train houses, so I can safely assume that there may be a chance for some of these people to get the odd nights sleep in the little train house with them to save the return journey home for the 28 minutes sleep they must be getting every night.
Or there is the other alternative, which is sleeping all the way to work.
(I so want to take a picture of the girl in front of me right now, but you just know someone would dob me in. But I tell you she is OUT LIKE A LIGHT).
I have been the odd transport tumbler myself from time to time, I mean the city cat ferris that go up and down the Brisbane river in the morning - omfg - I fall asleep about 20 seconds after getting on one of those things. Luckily my journey down the Brisbane river ended at the last stop, so the ferry man would wake me up so he could go have a smoke or have another shot of bourbon, or what ever it is you do when you've done your shift. Being that it was at New Farm park they could probably get up to almost anything.
So I was reasonably sure if I fell asleep I'd still make it to work.
I used to work I'm remote areas of Central Australia, and some times I'd have to fly to a place called Kintore near the WA border. Oh yeah. Almost a 2 hour flight, and if you paid for the charter, and the mode of transport will actually hit the ground at high speeds at the end of your journey, you can be pretty sure you'll wake up. The little engines just shut me down, I don't care that it's basically a Volkswagen with a propeller.
In a foreign country however, no way. I assume that everyone wants to eat me. Fear is my overseas travel buddy.
Actually I'm not even sure i would fall asleep on a train in Australia...I have tried to fall asleep on a train in India, but that was an actual sleeper long distance train. Having said that, I didn't actually get to get any sleep, but luckily there wad always a bloke yelling "CHAI WALLAH CHAI WALLAH CHAI WALLAH" who made sure that even if I could have gotten comfortable I would have been spared a "trip on the city cat" as I like to call it.

The girl in front of me is just out, but as soon as the train driving goblin (I imagine they look like the guys from Gringots in Harry Potter. I believe I have always thought that even though clearly I could they have had that image in my head for a couple of years now) calls out "Central Station" she was eye open and cognitive. I would be too worried that a) i'd miss the station b) i'd snore or c) i'd be so asleep I'd be dreaming and talk or have a really obvious erection or something.
So this was my point, I think you can probably judge a country's relative safety by the fact that the people feel comfortable enough to fall asleep on the train. I still wouldn't fall asleep on the train at night coming home. It's tempting - I get the last train home to the gold coast every so often, it's me and all the kids who don't have cars, or who's parents have given that specific deadline. The security guards always talk to me because I'm the only one over 30. If you could sell vodka on that train, I swear to you, sitting on a gold mine.
City Station, here I am way to early to turn up to a second day of work, I need to wake the he'll up. Or maybe I'll just rest my iPad on my chest and sit at this bus sto.......

I am a FAG WHO FALLS ASLEEP IN TOWN.
I LISTEN TO KEITH URBAN.
WHY DOES THIS GUY HAVE AN ERECTION?

whoa. I need coffee.
Lucky those kids woke me up.
KFS.

The world of Simony

2011-08-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Did you know we Simon's have our very own sin?

Simony is essentially the sin of Paying for your holiness. I am of course an ordained minister thanks to buying a qualification from an on-line ministry. So, lock that in Eddy, I'm a Simon-ite apparently.

Ok so that was the result of a wiki safari where I got a little lost...but still. Woot go me for having my own sin. I'll stop trying to get another named after me now, all the good ones were taken anyway. But at least agree with me that "Adultery" needs a new name anyway....it didn't have to be mine.

Sooooo, this week Here at the Invasion we got to quit our job. I basically took my head out of the Lion's mouth, and popped it...into a slightly less scary animal that will still hurt me a whole lot.

Quitting...ahhh sweet gentle quitting of a job. Magic.

The trick is to only piss off the people who deserve it, and you won't need as a referee at some point in the future.

I'm always polite to admin staff - I was one all those years ago, but some people get rude to the admin staff once they are settled into a job. Na-uh. Imagine a reversed bell curve. Y'know like a skateboard ramp. This is the curve of your time in a workplace, the curve represents how admin staff can mess you up big time. Beware of them, they are the ones who will probably end up writing your referee report for the person who is actually in charge.

Other than that, invite everyone to the pub the week after you quit, not the week you quit, you'll get too many people you don't really like. Wait a week. The wave of "post you nostalgia will be at it's very short lived peak.

After one week people will learn how to do the really trivial things that they actually liked you for.

Do people miss me because of the fantastic work I used to do with getting funding submissions through, or my detailed knowledge of the different types of land ownership and leases and how native title works? No. They miss me because I could make the photocopier scan things and print them our with "COPY" written over it on each page with the push of a button. In less that 3 weeks someone will work out how to do that for themselves or they will just all go "meh, get the admin girl to do it by hand".

The art of quitting is also in the timing - tell your boss, obviously, but time the information flow so no one can organise anything. In most government offices there is a cohort of people who will organise a morning tea to celebrate the success of the morning tea they had yesterday. It's and endless supply of cocktail franks (there is nothing of nature in those things, they are wrong) and listening to lonely women bitch about the spunky new admin girls shortness of dress, or going for a cigarette...or their nephew who lost everything due to his miss use of liquid paper thinner...it goes on.

You will get a card. People have thought about it as much as you think they have, however the morning tea crowd would have wasted a whole freaking day getting collections, getting the card, taking it around. "have you signed the card" will be the emergency of the day. Nothing is more important. I had a co worker bleed out Due to a paper cut mis-hap on a "have you signed the card?" day. The poor bugger just couldn't get up there on the priority task list.

...we did have a morning tea in his honour though.

We had those little sausages.

So anyways, quitting done, morning tea avoided, I quit my job, and today I start a new one.

I'm doing all the first day of a new job things, I caught a train way too early, and I'm now acting like I've been invited to a party where I don't know anyone. If I come too early I won't have the key person to talk to, and I'll just have to sit there kind of embarrassed until that person turns up, and that will mean that the first image of me that anyone has is the guy sitting there with nothing to do, and that image will last. Trust me.

If it's a "everyone gets here at 7am" office, they already think I'm a waste of money, if it's a "no one gets here until 9" office then I'm going to look like an over eager nerd.

It's basically the first day at a new school. Arg. I bet they all have Spider man lunch boxes and all I have is this Superman one.

So, the dance begins.

Today I will try to identify the person that will knee cap you if they decide that they don't like you. There is always one. Usually I just got the job they applied for so they hate me before I even arrive.

They will be the person who doesn't look up when I am introduced to them, and everyone will be saying "has he met _______ ?" as they are all scared of offending them.

This is the person I have to ensure I DO NOT TRY TO BE FUNNY WITH.

Everything has to be deadly serious with this person or they will have a thrombosis.

*sigh* ok let's do this thing.

See you on the other side of this day.

Day survived. My boss buggered off at 11:30 to look after a child. So I read things, as you do.

Spotted "the person to be wary of", was wary.

Extremely tired, but I guess this is the body clock now. I'll be asleep at 8:30 from now on.

I do have drinks with my old work team on Friday night though....there better be cocktail franks.

KFS.

God. Father.

2011-07-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

My sister has, after much "is this really a good idea?" thinking, and probably a fair amount of "he's not as strange as he seems" discussion with her partner, has agreed to me being the Godfather of her newest child "Squishy". He has another name...but to be fair she changed her mind on the real name - so I'm going to hold off on remembering it until I know it's the one she's really committed to. Obviously by the Christening I'll have to be reasonably conversant with what his name is - it would look bad if I don't remember - and I'd hate for him to be called "squishy" in the eyes of God if I mess up and just keep calling him that. However - maybe that would be cool when he got to the afterlife. Maybe not if he ends up overweight.

Anyways. My sister "Squishy's Mum" has consented to me for filling this role, but having met me before, she assumed (rightly I might add) that all I would do from now on is a very bad impression of Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

I mean...c'mon....there's a reason I know most of those movies off by heart. They are good movies, and dammit i should be allowed to say random quotes to Squishy if I like.

Hello my name is Squishy.

I also feel I will be a good guide into the world of spirituality. I can give a balanced overview of the concepts, and include cultural awareness, some insight into Indian mystisym, and tell him which cults have the most drugs and free sex. I can also teach him how to be sure you haven't landed in the next Manson Family Farm while getting a hold of some free dope. (Tip: if one of the Beach Boys is there - run like buggery).

And yes - I am actually an Atheiest. but not a "Jerk Athiest". Peole who beileve in God are a mystery to me. It makes no sense to me.

A good pantheon I could get into though - I like the stories and allegory's (and other words that rhyme with Cory) that those religions produce.
Especially if they have flaws.
The Vikings gods were great. Most of them sound like complete jerks.
I'd be happy if I thought I was fighting with Thor on the team...but I don't want to be around that guy when he's having a beer.

Same with the Greek / Roman gods.

Help me Obi-Syme you're my only hope.

I like a religion that has as the head of it's family of deities a guy who would basically f**k anything. there is a god you would not leave alone with your girlfriend at a party. Zeus is basically the god of date rape, as he likes to change form to get into girls pants.
He probably invented drink spiking.
He'd love Darwin.

From Wiki "Heracles was the son of the affair Zeus had with the mortal woman Alcmene. Zeus made love to her after disguising himself as her husband, Amphitryon, home early from war"

What a jerk.

and : "Danaë was childless and to keep her so, he (her Dad) imprisoned her in a bronze chamber open to the sky in the courtyard of his palace: Zeus came to her in the form of a shower of gold, and impregnated her. Soon after, their child was born; Perseus."

Far out. I think he just likes a challenge.

It's cool I'll hold your drink for you.

"Dionysus: His mother was a mortal woman, Semele, the daughter of king Cadmus of Thebes, and his father was Zeus, the king of the gods. Semele demanded of Zeus that he reveal himself in all his glory as proof of his godhood. Though Zeus begged her not to ask this, she persisted and he agreed. Therefore he came to her wreathed in bolts of lightning; mortals, however, could not look upon an undisguised god without dying, and she perished in the ensuing blaze."

ok - that's just not cricket.

Castor and Pollux: "The better known story is that Zeus disguised himself as a swan and raped Leda."

AS A SWAN?!? WTF?

I think it would make a great reality TV show : Tonight on: When Gods Get Drunk.

Ahem - got off topic there

yeah - Atheism. Some Atheists are as bad as people who have just found their religiosity. They have to challenge. and it is sooooooooooooo freaking boring. You aren't going to use you ever-so-logical debating to convert someone who believes in the the existence of a god.
The whole darn thing is based apon a suspension of logic.
That's why it's called "Faith".
To think that your debating skills are going to make a convert go "oh I see what you're saying." and slap their forehead and give up god is probably missing the point on why people need religion in their life in the first place. ..and I don't think it's because they just didn't have the right person on the debating team.

I don't really care what people do / don't worship provided it doesn't hurt anyone, and they don't try to stop me existing in my god-free world.

If however someone wants to start preaching at me, them I'm going to get a little antsy.

Sometimes I say "I see your point - let me offer a counter point" by punching people in the face.

So...on the 21st I become Squishy's Godfather. I don't feel like it's too hypocritical, as I will happily take on the role of spiritual guidance, and I will do so while respecting my sister's religiosity.

and....I get to say "you broke my heart Fredo!" allllllllllll day long.

yee.
KFS

India 06.01.2010 Kerela - Cochin - Fort Kochi

2011-07-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Morning!

I am a new man.

Wake, shower and coffee in an almost empty breakfast area.

Kererla is very busy…but no cows to speak of. Yay! (poor cows)

The traffic is flowing (kind of anyways) and the beeping is down to a dull roar.

The place feel a little like Singapore – and would you believe it – Shorts!

It’s warm – hello now my white white legs are an international issue.

There is greenery everywhere; it is very different to the north. When we drive to the islands to do some site seeing / shopping it’ more like Asia or Bali.

There are so many whitey tourists around we’re back in tourist-ville clearly.

It’s like a slow acclimatisation on getting back to Darwin.

We go have a look at the Chinese Fishing Nets and let ourselves be ripped off by street vendors.

I have an exchange with the cute little girl making bracelets that shows the fierce Gordon Gecko that lurks within her. I got my bracelet but we had to have several discussions about her pricing policy on “things I didn’t ask for and don’t actually want”. It’s not like you don’t know you’re going to get ripped off – it’s just a question of how much you want to get ripped off by. A controlled descent as it were.

When they have their usual ripping off – fine ok. I can afford that. It’s when they go for the jugular with all the other “also ands” and the “let’s see what we can get away with’s” that I press the brake. It’s kind of expectation management.

I think this girl and her cohort actually thought they were going to get away with their scam until the payment issue arose. It was mostly bait and switch stuff, they ended up just burning off the extra bits of bracelet (It was Nylon rope) that I didn’t want / ask for.

We go and have a look at some historic forts and things that are either being repaired or have been left a little to rack and ruin. There is history everywhere though.

there is also a Tyrannosaurus in the garden....I don't know why.

So the end of the day of Kerala was beer while the sun went down. Nice.

We stopped in to see a martial arts demonstration – as they claim that their marital arts are over 2000 years old, they say it’s the oldest.

Cool I can accept that.

It was when they started to claim that every other martial art was derived from theirs that I got a little sceptical.

They should probably be careful saying that to a Japanese or Chinese person.

They will kung fu your ass.

The demonstration started.

Gayest.

Martial.

Art.

Ever.

Well choreographed dudes dancing with swords is not a martial art.

It’s a calisthenics program at best.

It does answer the question of why there were no Indian Ninjas though.

Were the guys fit? Yep.

Were they bendy? Yep

But I have seen pole dancers that can also answer those two questions as well.

Could they stop an attack? Maybe, if the attacker submitted their plan in writing 2 week prior to the attack and suggested what music they might be attacking to.
I was more terrified of Flashdance.

They had one demonstration that was just twirling a stick around. At one point I was sure he was just going to yell “Goooooooooooooooooo Cougars!” and become a cheerleader.

So, this is why most of the world is more terrified of Yoga than the Indian Martial arts. Yoga has surely hospitalised many many more people.

I also stumbled apon a new type of sales person today: the commentary track.

They will follow you around a shop and name everything that you touch, like they might make a sale by simply clarifying what the items are. I was going to start touching myself to see if I could get a game of “Head Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” happening.

Tomorrow we head out to the houseboat. Mozzie repellent packed – let’s go look at some serenity.

The Bruising Adventures of Girl Clumsy: Epic Status Win

2011-07-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

The Bruising Adventures of Girl Clumsy: Epic Status Win: "My friend Steve Martin (not that Steve Martin) is one of nature's gentlemen. He also wears his heart on his sleeve in a sometimes confusing,..."

A Bit of a catch up

2011-07-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

A quick round up from previous recent Blogs

Planet of the Apes:

"so how does the new movie fit in with the established planet of the apes movies Mr Smarty-pants?"

Well firstly let me say there is no need for the hostility imaginary person. (though I have had real people ask me, and they were a little more polite).
Wellllll it's a little out of continuity - a little not.

If you need an "in" it could easily fit with the Mark Mark new version as the way the planet got to be over run with Apes. Just ignore the bit at the end where he gets back to earth and there is the Ape Abraham Lincon. that end bit was just a little bit of a mind freak.

There are all sorts of nods to the original continuity though. Like how the Ape that leads the rebellion was named Ceaser. That sort of stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if there were could of Dr Zeus references in there as well.

As long as no one gets all Charlton Heston-y and calls them "Damn Dirty Apes".

The Great Sugar Search:

I went back to Byron and I asked them. I have the name of the type of sugar. I will be ordering it from a shop on-line very soon. It was called "la....um.....per...um....rachia" or something.

India:

I haven't given up - still getting through them - new ones are in - I just have to do the pictures and things...am uploading them all to Flickr as well as here - it takes ages...but I may be on the train a lot in the future...

Just give me a freaking job:

I may have a job - details soon, back with Indigenous health.

Ok...updates done.

KFS.

More interviews

2011-07-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

Sigh. In a few weeks I will be unemployed.
I can't really blame anyone, I had a pretty good career in the NT that I effectively turned my back on, and moved to another state.
I did it for some really good reasons. On top of all the good reasons, It was also time for me to leave, I'd had quite a number of large life-altering things happen to me, and I needed to get out.

All my major life events revolve around death, or falling ing love, I guess that makes me a romantic, or a gothic...I don't know. Falling in love with the wrong people makes me a fool. Perhaps I'm just getting better at it as I go, or maybe I get to have relationships that reflect who I am at the time. Relationships change you. Being together forever is how you hold on to land. These days it may be a Hallmark Card concept. I'm very glad I'm not with who I was with when I was younger. They were great people, but...I needed to move, there were ghosts around every corner.

Anyways, here I am in Brisbane, very close to the end of a contract, with no actual employment yet in sight. My experience in making government policy actually work in a culturally appropriate way is a little hard to sell in a capital city where people really don't understand some of the concepts that are in that job description. So I've had to really break my skills down to a manageable level in order to sell myself.
However, in a city like this you have a city type of public servant.
What's that mean? Silos. I got really used to being able to solve things, to broker solutions, to make a difference. I never really knew how much influence I really had until I walked away.

The are many many more people involved in the public service in a place like Brisbane than needs to be. Way too many. Consequently there is this "siege mentality" that makes it really hard to get information across, or to find the people who have the authority to say yes to things. There are a lot of people who's only job is essentially to be in the way of things. I've had people in one building, working in the same department and section as me, tell me "I can't send that out - it's an internal document." that might be almost understandable - but the document was a list of reports that my team had sent in. I had to remind them I was in fact also "internal".
Consequently it's really hard to get a job in one of these little silos if you aren't already "in the team".
There is much mistrust.

That is not to say that I think everyone in the government is the same. I get quite upset when people start to talk about the Government as "they"...so I can hardly do the same.
I'm on the outside of all of these teams, and sections, so I'm seeing the worst of it all. There are pervasive corporate cultures, and as I don't know what they are - it's easy to step on land mines. Especially ones that are set in an interview process. And Lordy I've been to a lot of interviews recently.
I am the number 2 guy. Based on the feedback I get my resume is very impressive, my interview is great and my referees are very positive. But we've decided to go with Tony who already works with us.
Meh. What can you do?
So I keep applying, and keep trying to "crack" the invisible barrier.
It been a harder process than I ever imagined it would be...it's been very saddening, and my faith in my own abilities has taken a major hit.
Except in my clearer moments...I know I can do all of this stuff, I know I can manage entire sections of Government, and I know I'm good at this sort of thing.

I'm relearning how to interview. Now I have to pitch myself as "really good, but not better than you" when I am interviewing, other wise I can seem like a threat to people. This afternoon I found out, yet again, I was the second in line for a job. The feed back was...essentially I had worked in many challenging areas and they thought that The other persons examples seemed more positive.

There was no talk about the quality of problem solving, or the size of the issues I had undertaken to solve. Just the general feel that I had worked on a lot of negative issues.
I know that my referee had said to them that they used me as a "problem solver" so they should have explained the challenges I had worked on. I was also managing some of the most challenging areas in all of the country. I would have thought that made me a great problem solver, but it seems I should also have at some point toured with the partridge family. Telling me that is was reallllllly a close competition doesn't really help me. It just seems to me that the woman in her early 50's went with...the other woman in her early 50's.Next time I will talk about challenges and experiences I have had with difficult situations...but I will happy it up by 40%.
*sigh*
More applications to do.
Then wine.
Lots of wine.

India 05.01.2010 on a train somewhere...to Mumbai

2011-07-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

Still on a train. 05.01.11

8am.

ouch.

A night in a posh sleeper car on a train is still a night on a train. I've tried to get comfortable in many many ways - but to no avail.

My back is killing me - and I'm still a long way from a hotel and a shower (15 Hours I would guess).

Listened to a heap of music to try to get to sleep. Have fallen in love with "love just leaves you bruised" by "the Bens" it was my song of the night. Have had much on my mind of this sort of thing.

Love my noise cancelling headphones.

Went to the toilet in the middle of the night, on the way back I just COULD NOT FIND my berth. It took me song long to find where I was supposed to be I was ready to cry. (very sleepy, grumpy and in pain - tears were seriously in the offering). I accidentally grouped so many people looking for my bed I'm seriously surprised no one got snarky with me. It could have gone very badly. When I did find our berth it was like the clouds parting. so very, very happy.

--- Later ---

So now I'm listening to "not the same" by Ben Folds Five. I have a bout 3 hours till Mumbai - I don't know how I'm going to handle it in my current state.

Best lay back for a little while longer. I need a massage.

--- ---

There were small amounts of fun to be had. Mostly trying to corrupt other people's children. There were 3 kids in our berth as the morning went on, and the train man was very attentive to our berth. They explained that he was actually their father - they just happen to be on his train. fun. we swapped magazines with them. Not my FHM though - it's practically pornography here. And I don't want to - I'm developing a thing for some of these Bollywood stars.)

Once the family in our cabin moved on the kids had re-appeared from yesterday. They had swapped with the family from last night. Traitors!

--- Mumbai / Bombay 11am ---

So prepared. Everyone was constantly telling me I'd be hassled. So many tales of Naer'do'wells on the pounce for poor innocent tourists like me. You know what. 3 kids and 3 Taxi drivers. What a let down.

We talk to the first Taxi driver we see and negotiate with him. He names the price we thought for a day of being our driver. The negotiations take a very very long time though.

The only humbug I get at the station is the kids keep touching me to annoy me. Kids I've has minus 10 hours of sleep, you are sparking near a powder keg.

All up I get worse from people on the streets of Darwin.

Our driver seems ok. As the old Chinese proverb says "1500Rp turns anyone into a willing tour guide".

The city is huge, but you can't tell, as visibility is just so bad. You can't see from one side of a bridge to the other. It should be a "knock your socks off" arrive and see the city like arriving in New York, but as you can't see anything - you don't get the shock and awe.

We drive for a while through the city. Other than being very big, there doesn't seem to be much to remark on other than a) there is much less being of horns (yay) b) people turn off their cars at red lights - it's not making a scrap of difference to the smog - but they are trying I guess.

We only really have 2 hours so it's off to the India Gate. Woo!

It's like the Arc de Triomphe but in India. Take photos - move on.

Off to the Markets. - but we lunch in the first place we see- a Chinese place..oh well.

We take a look at the market. Having been to Bazarnia in Delhi it's a bit underwhelming, or we've had so little sleep nothing can really penetrate our hard outer candy shells.

We decide to go find our taxi guy early and just head to the airport. The poor guy just can't sleep in the back - as I locked my back pack to the passenger side door.

We debate if we should wake him from his prone positions in the front passenger seat that makes him look like a car accident crime scene photo.

We are across the road from walkway that looks over the ocean to our left, and smokey shanty town to our right. So we take a photo or two of the shanty town and a kid flying a kite made of a clear plastic bag.

A security guard waves to me, but I figure he's waving at the kid to get down off the wall. The best effort he can muster is to move his hand so it's a bit unclear.

So we head back to the taxi and get in. The security guard walks a good while and comes over to the car. oops that's how cops dress here. They want to talk to me. I walk over a little nervy.

"why you take photo?"

I want to point out that "movies like Slumdog Millionaire have pretty much lifted the lid on this little secret buddy", instead I go through an overly dramatic gesture to show I have deleted the pictures. Done. It's not good enough though. Where are you from? I answer. "Let me see your passport."

At this point if I was awake I would have said "at the airport waiting for me, oh here's our cab bye!" as they are obviously gearing up to have me have to pay them a bribe. Luck smiles on me.

I must seem a little too articulate and will probably be trouble if we miss our flight. We keep pointing to our car and saying "there's our taxi". I keep repeating that I work for the Australian Government. We are lucky. Very lucky.

As these guys are obviously thugs. Once the older guy motions top the younger guy to give me back my passport I know I'm going to be alright.

Lesson learnt.

The airport. We get to take turns going to the bathroom, brushing our teeth, and changing clothes. I have my first real coffee in a million years. We go through security and check in our bags and look at all the shops. Nice shops, I buy a million dollars worth of books and graphic novels. and a small speaker set to listen to music when we are on the house boat.

The flight is delayed - so we get to watch Indian business people + tourists lose their biscuit at the desk person. Why? What could that person possibly do to alleviate the situation?

The announcements are from speakers a million miles up and mostly in Hindi. So I head over to the desk to listen to the guy say the same thing over and over again when I want to get an update I understand.

The plane ride is actually pretty good. We play a monopoly card game that I just bought at the airport.

Our Driver is waiting for us at the other end. Yay.

This picture almost got me arrested. Look at it.

Driving at night we can't see anything, but the billboards are frighteningly "can bee seen from orbit" huge.

SO very very tired, almost arrested, and so hungry, we make our way to hotel reception.

"I'm sorry sir we don't have any booking under that name.

Oh dear god no.

It's at this point I'm glad we booked with the government tourist company, because i can hand over their voucher to give us some legitimacy. They try to find out what happened. If we'd booked this ourselves at this point they would have just told us to go fuck ourselves.

They find the mix up. We're booked at the swankier hotel up the road.

We get back in the car, by the time we get to the next hotel I've got all my pantomime rage ready to go when they suggest we will be moved back to the other hotel the next day. I let it fly.

success we are now residents of swankville.

Shower. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Bed. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

In the last 12 hours my sinuses have cleared up so I can breathe properly again. 10 hours sleep.

So very very nice.

India - Kochi / Aleppey - Houseboat

2011-07-24T21:31:00.001-07:00

India - Kochi / Aleppey - Houseboat, a set on Flickr.

India Delhi 16.12.2009

2011-07-24T21:29:00.001-07:00

India Delhi 16.12.2009, a set on Flickr.

India 29.12.2009 Ranakpur

2011-07-24T21:24:00.001-07:00

India 29.12.2009 Ranakpur, a set on Flickr.

India Udaipur 27.12.10

2011-07-24T21:22:00.001-07:00

India Udaipur 27.12.10, a set on Flickr.

India Jaisalmer 02.01.10

2011-07-24T21:18:00.001-07:00

India Jaisalmer 02.01.10, a set on Flickr.

India - Trains

2011-07-24T21:17:00.001-07:00

India - Trains, a set on Flickr.

India - Mumbai

2011-07-24T21:16:00.003-07:00

India - Mumbai, a set on Flickr.

India - Cochin - Fort Kochi

2011-07-24T21:16:00.001-07:00

India - Cochin - Fort Kochi , a set on Flickr.

house keeping

2011-07-19T01:46:00.000-07:00

with Google Plus coming along - I expect Google will consolodate everything they have - so my little Blog with Blogger will soon become part of the great Empire of share.

So a little house keeping was in order.

There is still no great app for the iPad that will blog easily for me - they are all a little clunky..but I have a new one I'm using to try to jump start my Blog-i-ness again.

I had a quick look - and all of my pictures from my last batch of Inia posts had dissapeared - and dammit i'm PROUD of those photos - so I have fixed - if you have a mind to go and have a look - the Indoa posts are gathered together in the India Posts page to the left.

That's all.

More soon.

KFS.

Song this week...

2011-07-18T16:30:00.001-07:00

Gotye.

Nice.

5 coffees

2011-05-16T02:22:00.001-07:00

at my house.

It's 7:40....something.
As I begin to write this I'm in West End, having a coffee, at the place that has the free wi-fi. That was pretty much my only criteria today.
I'll end up having a few coffees today, i'm doing consultations and having a couple of meetings with people....I'll take a shot off all my coffee for the day

I won an iPad, (yay) so now when I head somewhere I take my papers and magazines with me.
It is kind of cool - all I need is a wi-fi and I have all my reading material right here.
Today I'm trying to get back into the love of my Blog. Post April 20, there hasn't been a whole lot.
Time is slipping away from me these days, it may be the 3 hours car travel I do a day in order. To get from the Gold Coast to Brisbane, or it just might be the fact that I have a little too much to do.

before work - reading and writing

I'm working on homelessness programs with the Qld Govt. It's kind of interesting. I've been working in indigenous communities for a longtime, and I forget that I didn't work in this sort of field when I did actually live here.
I could trace a "pathway" for people I was working with in the NT. You'll could work it out like a maths problem.
"ok, so the school wasn't here for you, or your folks weren't making you go to school, then there wasn't really a job for you to go to...so here we are..let's get some training happening for you, while we get some childcare happening for your kids." easy. Well...easy enough.
Homelessness is really sad, it a dislocation plus freezing your goddamn ass off. ( I'm in my first winter in ten years at the moment - I'm not coping very well. So freezing is much on my mind. My fingers are not working at the speed they should be as I type away on my little magic window on the cafe table).

out of order! Lunch coffee.

I'd hate to think that I was being affected by the stuff I'm seeing because they people are white. I keep checking my reactions to see if that is it. I am my own experiment in cultural bias. I think it might be that I can see a clear pathway the other way here. I know that there are support agencies like...every twenty meters in Brisbane city...and people who can assist. So being homeless is even sadder in a way - because the people are clearly not just financially dislocated, they are just as on the outer as a young kid in a community who wants to do....something....but can't find any one to help.
I never was really able to picture myself growing up in a community, and to try was almost insulting to the people who did.
The people here are sleeping on the streets I grew up on.
Quite a few times I was edging towards some very real trouble as a young adult.
And when you look at some of the reasons people become homeless...it's actually not a huge leap to sometimes see how it could happen to yourself, if only one of those really bad days had been just a little bit worse.
One of the "feeders" (as we call it) to homelessness is relationship breakups. It's often a DV situation, where people have just had to get the hell out of Dodge with only the clothes on their back. But sometimes it's because of something like the death of a spouse, and people just don't actually know what the financial situation is. Six months later, you have a pensioner living in a car.
It's just one really bad day, that's all it can take.

first meeting

When I was younger I lived with a girl for a few years.
We shared a house. I worked as a Barista. I made enough money to live...but that was about it.
One awful night, she died.

I coped with the situations best I could emotionally, but financially...it was a mess.
And I don't care who you are..you're not going to asking grieving parents to pony up for power and the telephone over a coffin.
You also can't rent rooms out quickly if they are full of someone else's stuff. And DO NOT tell people the previous tenant died there.
The guy who lived in the other room moved out essentially as soon as it happened as well.
My point being, I was very quickly in areas in my rent, and behind in my bills.
I got through...barely. I was lucky that my land lord wasn't very pro-active and gave me a whole lot of time to get up to date only rent.
There are a lot of homeless that are actually cases for mental health, not just people with a condition, there are people out there who had one really bad day, and the rest of their time has been day after day of being re-traumatised because of the one big hurdle they just didn't have a chance to get over.
Eventually people lose the "gravity" that keeps them with us, and the daily struggle to survive becomes their world.
That's one of the really heartbreaking things, just building enough houses wouldn't fix the issue. Long term homeless are just as institutionalised as a person who's been in prison. Except in prison you get fed and can get education and a Drs appointment.

decaf. 3rd meeting.

So...where am I going with this. I don't really know.

There are people who just have bad chemicals in their heads. They are a health problem but if they aren't self referring, they will stay in the churn of going from support system to support system all their life, and no one will really be able to track them. The systems aren't integrated or anything enough to really "capture" them.

....and if someone doesn't want to be "fixed" or "treated" as many people feel, it's really easy for a homeless person to disappear.

It's probably easier than trying to re-enter the world, and that's kind of why they are there.
I'm working on a strategy for the government and NGO's to work together to help end some of the problems.

I'm just happy I never became part of it.

If at the key moment I was going under I had broken my leg or something, and then got a black mark against my name from the real estate...well...who knows what could have happened. Just one bad day.

KFS.

Yeee this me on my iPad

2011-05-12T03:29:00.000-07:00

Testing.
Hello is this thing on?

I won an iPad...let's see what I can do.

A : Symo is somewhere round here..

Ok...so there we are.
Let's get blobby...

April 20 2011

2011-04-20T03:30:00.001-07:00

April 20 2011, a set on Flickr.

April 20 2011 13 17:43

2011-04-20T03:29:00.001-07:00

April 20 2011 13 17:43
Originally uploaded by Kungfusyme.

it's been an April 20!

India 04.01.2010 Jodphur - last day + train ride.

2011-03-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

Jodphur 7am at Hotel.

Here at a table at the Hotel by myself. Crept out of the room as quietly as I could. Train is at 4pm – checkout will be at 11am. We’ll have to entertain ourselves in between. Last night on the way home we saw some part of town that we hadn’t seen before so we might try going out there on a rickshaw and walking back to the hotel.
I assume we’ll be over-prepared for the train. We can always just stare out the window and watch the India pass us by.
There will be 4 other people in our little cabin. I’m not sure how I’ll handle people just wandering in…I think I like order too darn much.
We have to check what beds we have – we remain hopeful of top bunks – but it may not be likely.
I did get a chance to have a quick look at you tube – yesterday – just to have a look at Dr Who regenerating. I’m such a nerd. I don’t think I like the Dr being so young!
I had strange dreams last night. Dr Manhattan from Watchmen featured a lot – for a while I think I was him. I wonder what that means.

Half a plan to eat some of my “green cookies” on the train. Maybe there will be other people – I don’t really want to do it alone…

mmm fitness

Eve has told me about getting stoned in Amsterdam alone – and getting kicked out of the café – then heading back to the catholic youth hostel, only to be locked out for the night. Ther are a few “being locked out of places” stories from her “gap years”. The one that makes me saddest is when she had blood poisoning for 3 days in a hospital and didn’t have a TV, magazines, or a book. This is on my mind today because I have an 18 hour train ride ahead of us. Better get my card playing head on.
We’re not sure what to do in Mumbai. We don’t have a whole lot of time there – and there have been security scares at Indian Airports. It may also take an hour and a half to get to the actual airport. What to do, what to do.
I think we’ll just hire a taxi for the day and go from there – as it’ll be a mobile place to just leave our bags.
If we had more time we’d do a Bollywood tour. Even though it costs $100 US.

The Lonely Planet said that %55 of the people there are in shanty towns. I worked out that that is roughly 8.8 million people. That’s just too many people for your head to even get around. I would like to get a glimpse…and yet I also maye wouldn’t.
While getting ready I watch the perviest "fitness" program I have ever seen - it looks like that Berni Brasal (?) filmclip for "Call on Me".

4.1.10 14.29 at the train station.
Arg a co-ordinated “do you want a shoe shine?” attack! I barely survived un-polished.
After the first 3 (you have to deny it 3 times – it’s like ditching Jesus in the gardens) then there is a “just stand and stare at the foriengers” phase where they will just look at you. Then the “where are you from?” stage. Gotta love Belgium. No one knows where it is or anything about it. The guy next to the one who was asking me questions decided that the dude just wasn’t doing it right – he had a “oh you amateur! Let me have a crack at him” and asked me all the same questions all over again – like my resolve might have changed in the last couple of minutes. “oh wait a SHOE shine? Why yes – I didn’t realise this was the place to get those.”
(as I write this I am going through a 3rd round of the “Shoe Shine Dance” I’m getting good at it)
Anyhow – then the guy offered to repair my shoes with a vial of.. something. They just really wanted to talk shoes. “are they your only pair of shoes?”
Again I’m confused at the lack of differentiation between the services being sold. 2 guys selling key rings are walking next to each other as they walk down the platform. Maybe one should try something different?
Shoe shine guy + feet massage guy?
One gets the shoes off the other gets in with some oils? Money in the bank!
I would rule this town.

(Later – on train)
Travel makes everyone feel like they are in a film clip. Especially train travel.
Right now I’m looking out the window of the train and listening to music, well into my own film clip. I’m trying to listen to some neglected albums that I never really got around to listening to.

There are a couple of kids in the cabin with us, but they seem pretty nice, should be any trouble!
The 13 year old boy knows I have a copy of an Indian FHM. I think the chance at getting a look at it may be a good behaviour bond for a while.
My first neglected album is the last Crowded House album.
I swear to god if you are ever lonely – put on noise cancelling head phones. Once they land on your ears people are compelled to talk to you so you have to take them off again.
I’m trying to do a few postcards – some are a bit generic so I can send it to a couple of people, but I haven’t sent any yet.

(later still)
6 postcards down, Eve asleep.
I had ½ the cookie I was saving. Was going to be a stereotype and listen to Pink Floyd while I did – but I forgot to load any on to my iPod. Denied!
2nd neglected Album – Hombre Loco by the Eels.
I have more of my cookie – no effects. I’m getting more of a buzz from the wine we are sneaking sips of.
Next time the man says “medium or strong” I’m saying “dynamite please”

(later again)We listen to train themed songs for a while and give our critique of them.

We finish with “run away train” by Tom Petty.

A family of 26,000 move in to our berth. They asked us to do a swap over, and move a berth down, but there were families in both. Then they just got the other people to swap into ours. D’oh. Hello screaming child.
Now we have grandma trying to sleep at 7pm.
Grrr I refuse to submit to family hour!
We’re kind of forced to make out beds and define our territory now. Eve makes here own version of Fort Awesome with Blankets she has knicked.
Time to lay down and listen to music - create my own cocoon..

India 03.01.10 Jodhpur

2011-03-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Jodphur 6.49pm

Jodhpur Out of control shopping. Back in Jodhpur and went on a walk to the main street near the markets. We and antiques store – mostly ful of crap – until I found a shelf of moulds for jewellery. Very pretty. Well machined and I may be able to make them nice and shiney. I bought 7 of them, I could have bought a million of them. I spent roughly $104 Audtralian, 4400 rps.
When I clean them I can use them for…um…chocolate?
I really don’t know. They are very pretty though.
I want to buy more. But $100 bucks is enough.
I’l get them put in one of those ultra sonic cleaners at a jewellery place when I get home.
The big train ride is tomorrow. 4pm till 10am. 2AC class. So we’re bough some more travel games. Just being in the train will be interesting. I’m hoping there will be some other randoms on the train. Or a “club car” type of things where we can just sit and chill.
Over diner I teach a refresher in the rules of chess so we can play on the train. We got a free chess set from a games / sports supply man when Eve bought posters / plastic things to hang on the walls. There’s no way there are going to survive the rest of the trip undamaged. – but Eve remains hopeful.
It took a long time to choose, but there are many educational plastic posters for walls now.

Getting Trained.

2011-03-24T17:39:00.000-07:00

"Hello fresh Fish" he sneered
"Welcome to Oz"

I sit here with a "Fuzzy Brush" in my mouth, at my desk, lucky to be alive. Ok not really, but first things first...WTF is a Fuzzy Brush?

http://www.fuzzybrush.com/

I saw it on the counter of the coffee place that I had a coffee in this morning. So I bought one.

I have floss and a tooth brush at my desk, so it's not much of a leap for me to have a fuzzy brush in my mouth all morning.

I really hate it when I forget to clean my teeth before I go to work, or have awful teeth after lunch...it's probably a mild OCD. Anyways - my mouth is fully of a fuzzy brush.

I'm trying to gauge how well it works...

It's been a week of much life risking, high stakes, adventure travel.

I have dared to try...public transport.
I mean - not for the first time - I used to be the public transport guy - I didn't even get my licence until I was 29.

I mean in Brisbane - or more to the point - from Southport (Gold Coast) to Brisbane (Mt Gravatt).

As both of these destinations are not close to a train station, and about 4 days travel by Donkey. It has been a bit of a challenge.

I used to public transport it a fair bit. Even in the NT, but where I caught the bus from in Darwin was a notorious gang hang out, and there wasn't exactly any security to help you if you were anywhere near a random flare up of "little dudes beat the snot out of random person at the bus stop".

In one week I saw a guy on the ground moaning (he had apparently eaten glass) and people kicking him as they walked past (I mean why the hell not huh?), and a woman absolutely belting into a little girl of about 2/3 years old, and the kid's grandmother taking her away, and then there was a fight between them. The whole thing was unsettling. And then I saw some idiot old bloke decide to say something to one of the gangs of kids as they walked past - something of the calibre of "Hmff KIDS" (really cutting stuff that would have made them re-think their lives and the descisions they have made - really worth the time to say) so they started arguing with him, that would have quickly escalated to hitting him I expect - but I just got the hell out of dodge. I know you shouldn't expect to get beaten up for saying something in a free society, but this old bloke would just simply NOT SHUT UP. These kids were even giving him plenty of chances to just shut up and walk away - but he kept having to have the last word.

BASIC SURVIVAL TIP: Let the gang of muscular kids who tend to beat people up have the last word. Like it or not - IT'S THEIR FREAKING BUS STOP.

Anyways there were also a couple of mainstay crazies on the Darwin bus system who lived in the Casuarina / Nightcliff area that I got to know - such as the gospel singer woman.

"Mess with me" said Thomas "and
I will f**k you up"

The Gospel Singer was ready to be persecuted for her beliefs. Really ready. She wanted to defend her religiosity with all of her might.

She often found the opportunity to as well - as she would sing scripture and "Hey - Who likes God?" songs on the bus. She would sing them, and wait for someone to tell her to be quiet. I have watched her, if no one did, she would get louder, until inevitably - some one asked her to please tone it down.

That was when she would get into her set pieces about being persecuted, and she will praise her Lord all day and all of the night, and you will be judged by a power higher than the surly bus driver, who by now was also asking her to please shut the hell up.

If she was singing English Vaudeville songs from the 1930's she still would have been asked to keep it down, but it's hard to quote scripture at people because they didn't like you singing "Oh Er Misses, That's a Mighty Big Kipper", "Knees Up for the Kaiser" or "Strike Me Pink Constable, We're All Blackmarketers Now".

(Yeah - I just like making up fictitious Vaudeville songs).
She was often asked to leave the bus - I expect just getting to the shops would take most of the day for her. But I get off topic....
Public transport just got scary.

This was before I had my rib broken by a random passer-by too I might add.

So my love affair with public transport ended. I really liked having that much time to read in a day too.

This week I was forced to re-discover my public transport self - as the car I'm driving (A car that my brother has loaned me - I'd be f**ked if he hadn't as my Ute died - and because of mess ups with my pay from the qld government I couldn't afford to get it fixed. 4 days later they fixed the error - but it was too late I sold it for a pathetic sum as it was pretty much dying) anyway - ahem - the car I was driving has an alternator problem - you find this out by a little light that comes on and a voice says "your Alternator is experiencing problems - book an auto electrician immediately". No not really. The radio stops, the car grinds to a halt and you can't start it again. You will be at the side of a highway or in the middle of rush hour traffic when this happens.

Thank goodness it's a Mazda 121 and I can push it myself to the side of the road.

So I had to find a way home from my work all of a sudden - and being the guy who thinks that you CAN get there using public transport (it just takes a little longer) I was going to bloody well try. I mean I kind of had to didn't I? It's not like I could actually get home.
Unfortunately I live on the Gold Coast.

Getting from Mt Gravatt to Southport is a little like asking people what is the sure fire way to beat insomnia - everyone has a theory, but no one is ever actually 100% on the money. or they knew what works for them - but mmmmmmmmmaybe not so much what is going to work for you.

I looked up the trip on the Translink system - it's a great system - but there are so may different ways to get from one point to another - that it was all a bit much.

I decided to pick one way of getting to work in the morning - I was going Train, Train, Bus. Helensvale, Beenliegh, Altandi, short walk, bus to Mt Gravatt.

It kind of worked.
I was going to try Bus from home to Helensvale - but I got a lift - which was very nice - and would help the police piece together my movements when I ended up in a barrel in a creek after no one sees me again.
The only issues I had were - do I have enough money for the tickets? and "why do I have to sit next to the big fat guy who smells?"

Actually all the older trains smell. They smell like a bodily function - but it's really had to pin point what one. Something yeasty.

There was even a tense fight going on on the train between two blokes. Magic. Things aren't so different after all from Darwin.

When I get off the train - where do I walk to catch the bus? I know it's exactly 165 meters away - but...in which direction?

Then it was standing with the school kids to get on the bus, and then - does the us driver actually take money anymore? It seems they do - but in a very surly way. I should just have said "BEEP" and kept walking past him - he wouldn't have cared - and they clearly aren't hired on their interpersonal skills.

I made it to work - sun burnt, and in only slightly less time than it would have taken to walk there.

I would have been happy because I read my book all the way to work - but the first time you take one of these trips - you can't do that - because you'll end up being the guys that notices that the streets have become farmland and everyone has a strange accent and you don't know where you are anymore.

It's how I ended up in Alice Springs all those years ago.
By the end of the day i had a new plan - and new bus route to a new train station, and a new outlook.
Battling the school kids again - I waited for my bus at Mt Gravatt. It was late.

ok - so now my translink website computerised systematic journey is screwed. We fell at the first hurdle.

but I might still make the train if we hurry.....we didn't.
The train was the last stop. I eventually got to the train station, and hoped for a bus that could take me home when I eventually got to Helensvale.
except..man there are a heap of people waiting for the train. It has been delayed for an hour.
OMG.
I got my book out.

"keep your mouth shut" he warned
"and you won't get hurt."

Long story short - I did get to Helensvale - but I called for a lift home, I couldn't face the bus prospect by the end of it.

Today - I was well ready. iPod, Book, Change. 3 hours to get to work.
I wanted to use EFTpos, so I talked to the man in the train office when I got dropped off - and he said I could buy one ticket for the whole journey. Cool. I told him my travel plan, and he said "You could do that - but there is a faster way..." oh man.
It seems that what I've been needing is essentially the "James Brown" approach to travel.
I have to get up before I can get down.
So instead of all my too-ing and fro-ing I just catch the train all the way into Brisbane City - to a train / bus station, and hop on a bus back out to Mt Gravatt. It's quicker because the bus has it's own little lane on the side of the freeway all the way.
I get in at 7:40am.
So now that I have kicked the ass of this system, I get the car back today.
However - we could be on to something.
I have to work out of another office for 3 days a week for a little while - so I have decided to give the train a try. I might just get into a habit of train and or train bus...I don't think it will be cheaper - but it may be less stressful.
I even got myself a little swipey card that goes beep.
It's a funny sort of beep that makes it sound like a swam of Puffins getting on and off the bus.
On the other hand.........you know my car is air conditioned...and it leaves when ever I do.
On the down side to keep myself awake at the wheel in the mornings - I sing Vaudeville songs, which is just bloody annoying..
1..2..3..4 "Strrrrrrrrrrrrrike me pink Constable, what 'ave we got 'ere? It's diner-time on ration day and you've a grin from ear to ear..."
KFS

linking all my accounts...

2011-03-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm working on linking all my accounts up...picassa, gmail, flickr..etc...I may end up killing myself - but I'm trying to publish a heap of my idia photos as they are quite pretty.

I also want to get sorted before APRIL 20!

Catching up.

2011-03-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

I've posted a fair bit of stuff that was in my Drafts folder - mainly my India trip.
As you can probably see.....
You can look at the all by clicking the India page where they are all collected.
I have another 10 or so typed in - but I have to check them and add photos - so that may have to wait until next week.
It takes a while to choose the photos. I have heaps.

I wanted to get the back log out of the way - as it's been more than a year - and I want to keep on top of the travel entries - as I'm a prolific journal keeper - especially when on holidays - so i have to remember to put the holiday ones in.
AND I'm planning a trip to Vietnam near the end of the year - so I may as well create a space for it in the pages and things.
I've realised I've been keeping this blog since December 2004.
Wow - that's along time.
I have been through a fair bit in that time.
I need to get the whimsy back into my Blog....
more soon.

KFS.

India 03.01.2010

2011-03-15T18:35:00.000-07:00

Jaisalmer 8:50am
Breakfast at the Royale
We've packed and are ready to go for an early start. We've had to re-discover some of the parts and zips of our backpacks that add more space as we've done too much shopping already. I choose to NOT open up the "ad more space" zipper at this time - there will be no going back.
We have to write in Pappu's guest book. We don't know what to write.
I don't want to leave my contact details - who knows what might happen to them. I feel bad - but it's true.
I also get a little tired of the assumption of life long friendship. You're my driver dude, not my new best friend.
I ended up leaving my hotmail address. If he ever comes to Darwin I will expect a tip if I drive him around.
and he has to listen to my music.
He have to tip him today as well. We're going 10-15% as that's what he has oh-so-subtly told us drivers get the day before yesterday.
I sound angry - I'm not. I just don't need the plasticity. The "I'll come and visit you" stuff. It's not a dating agency.
At several junctures we tried to get a clear idea of what to tip the driver - and we've had no help or guidance. So we don't even know if we should feel bad or not.
We have to prepare for our train and plane trip. I might have a think about my books and games strategy.
Enough of this.
Toast is here.
_________________________________________________

Back to Jodhpur, back to the Heritage.
The desk guys welcome us back in.
We say goodbye to Pappu and tip him $50,000rp. We have no idea if that was generous or insulting. Luckily we just put the envelope in his pocket and he didn't count it - Phew!
I finally get to check my voice messages. They weren't even as exciting as "come to the pub". One was my mother - "just sayin' hi". The next 2 were pocket calls from someone. I think my old housemate Matt.
I'll have to buy a new journal for the South as this one is now running out of pages. How apt and timely.
Didn't get a shower this morning as the power was off - so I'm going to shower, buy a pen, and a new journal.
...and have a look on line at clips from Dr Who that was just on that I missed - nerd!
And maybe a bottle of Red for the train ride.

India 02.01.2010 part two

2011-03-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

Jaisalmer 02.01.10 part two

6pm.

Far too many pictures to publish them all here..

Jaislamer Fort - we have done you, and done you good.

Great guide. Fantastic. Very relaxed, easy pace. Sadly he took Eve to a silver making place and she had to sort through 4 buckets of jewelry before the Jewelery man could tell her what the "rip off the foreigners price" was. So high it was a waste of every one's time.The Guide was really good though - he stayed in the textiles shop too while Eve chose more fabric.That took a loong time too. but had something of the "thrill of the hunt" about it.

Got lots of pictures - great history and buildings.

Sometime in the room and a check of my email. I now have the number to dial to check my voicemail at home.3 messages that I can't get to - it's annoying me. I know they are "Hey do you wanna go to the pub?" from people who have forgotten I'm not in the country - but still I want to know for sure.

There are no international calls from the hotel - so I'll wait until we're back in Jodhpur. On line I had to have a look - the Dr has regenerated! I hope Paul has downloaded them for me.

And then the Bhung shop. Some really nice chocolate that would put me into a Sarget Pepper Album, but I bought 2 cookies instead. I don't know where I will have them, as I'll have to have them alone..or something.

Ok - to bed.

KFS.

India 02.01.2010 part one.

2011-03-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

Jaisalmer 02.01.10 part one
ow. We have "Camel Thighs". Some muscles shouldn't be singled out on city kids. We're walking like Cowboys.
Markets. Eve is getting address made for her Mum - it will be good to see how this experiment works out. I was going to get some pants made but the quality of tailor that I was expecting just hasn't presented itself.I'll have to wait until we're south.
Back in the Hotel after some shopping + a nanna nap for a few hours. Ah relief.
The TV channels here are really good, so we're watching the WWE. I watch the end of "the Bee Movie" then later on start on HBO. Too tired to do much more than channel surf - but unable to sleep.
Dinner at a place called Trio. Yummy. Soup and a tomato-y chicken-y thing. Eve is feeling a little "culinary homesick" so get spaghetti bolognase".
Today we're forting. Pappu has organised a guide. He seems weirdly cautious of this town. It seems no dodgier than any of the others we been in, but for this one he insists on a guide.
He better be worth the mucking around and the money
There's not much else to be done here by the looks of it, but I'm sure the guide will change that.
We're ready to just chill-ax and get ready for our trip home to Jaipur and then the south and saying goodbye to poo-pant our driver.
The hotel here is run by teenagers as far as I can tell. There are always a minimum of 7 blokes around the check out desk but only one of them seems qualified to answer the question "can I have some toilet paper?"
The toilet paper. Is it just a westerner thing still? I don't think it is. The rolls are all cardboard - no paper.
This means we have to ask for more every 20 minutes. Especially as we have to use it for tissues as well. They must wonder what we are doing with it all.Today I have to find out how to access my voice mail for my number at home.I know there will be nothing - but I still have to check.
As I write we are having a pretty crap breakfast. Instant coffee, and the eggs tasted "funky with hints of detergent" So we decided not to chance dinner here tonight.
ok - so off to do a quick Internet - and then on to the Fort.
It's actually overcast right now - which I don't think has happened before on this trip.
Might get excited and try to make a border crossing to Pakistan later on today.
KFS.

India 01.01.2010 - Jaisalmer (or at least kind of near it)

2011-03-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

1.1.10 Jaisalmer
Happy new year! The date looks like it's in Binary.
Looong drive. Got on to the music with Rumours - the standby Fleetwood Mac for all occasions. Rounded it off with Tusk - it was a portent to the rest of the night.

The Camels and the sunset:
Arriving in a small village of (insert name here) we'd driven as far north west as we were going to get on this trip. The land is pretty barren except for military barracks and massive wind farms. All the way here we've been told it's up to us is we sleep in the desert or the cabins. Once we're there Pappu tells changes the story.It seems there are now no rooms for us.As the night wears on our resolve to sleep in the grounds gets eaten away and we decided to sleep in the desert with the other adventurers. but first...

When we arrive it's almost sunset, so we get our camels and lark about in the desert for a while.My small amount of horsemanship (very small) serves me well, and they give me the steering wheel (rope). Eve has her Camel led by the man. She seems stunned that I can ride something. Everyone always is. I just don't seem to come across as the cowboy type. *sigh* I'll have to buy some boots.

Anyways we get out to the big dunes and they pretty much dump us there until the sun sets, so each group of tourists picks a dune and waits for the sunset to happen.The local 8 year old entrepreneur comes by and sells us 2 beers. Yay. No we're talking.

The Camel guys must get bored as they come back for us before the sun has set, so we ride a bit more on our camels. When the sun does set - its pretty amazing.We take muchos photos.

Hooray - the end of 2009. Huge sunset.

We camel off to the village we're we are staying. I ask the direction and get a bit confident on my ride and and run him around a bit. I'm even making the "k,k,k,k" noise that they use to make them go. I find a cowboyesque "heeYAR" works too.

The Party.

In the village the centre is set up with cushions and tables set in a wide circle, and the band at one end of the area. we sit in the inner circle and all look across the space at each other. the band is already playing when we get there.

The 90 minute drum solo starts. We chat with some Australians, and some English people. We are served some deep fried crunchy things for many hours while we drink beer and swap stories on what alcohol we've snuck in.

The dancing girl starts. She looks pretty.

Across the courtyard there is a group of Indian men on a night out. They are constantly holding up what looks like 20,000rp notes for her to come over and get off them. Dude, it's not a strip club. They are getting tanked and it's funny to watch. They are sneaking swigs from a bottle of Chivas Regal. It's like they swiped it from their Dad's liquor cabinet.

The hosts keeps doing what I like to call "the final scene from Dirty Dancing" where everyone has to get up and dance and have a love in. I can almost see the credit rolling. Eventually the food is served.
The gossip among the cushions is all about who is going to sleep in the desert, and who has a room. The temperature is rapidly dropping - so the "Roomies" aren't budging. So off to the desert we go, but first we try to put on as many layers as we can. This is it - the night of cold we knew was coming all this time.
With our pants over our pants, and beanie under balaclava, we jump on the the back of a cart for a camel version of a hay ride. Off into the night we go. I feel like a refugee.

Luckily it's nearly a full moon so the sky is bright, and we can see an astonishingly far way for the country that invented Fnog. (the mixture of Fog and Smog that reduces visibility everywhere else).
We are paired up with an Austrian couple that are a little nutty. The girl we had noticed earlier in the evening as she was going off during the "everyone dances" closing credits. I filmed her and everything.
There is also a French couple. A girl who will always be flash frozen in my memory when I saw her across the fire. Designer Jacket done up, bag over shoulder. The epitome of "I am not having a good time. Take. me. home."
She went to bed as soon as she could. We all toasted the new year with our smuggled alcohol. I had a sip of Indian dark rum that I can still feel now.
I expect that my internal paint is all stripped off.
Happy New Year!
We hope it's all fireworks we can see and not the start of something.
For people in the middle of nowhere there are obviously a heap of parties going on.
We discussed getting a tent - and the man made me one up.
There was an element of "you don't really want a tent do you? do you? nahhh you don't want one" that pressured most people into being around the fire instead. I knew the fire wasn't going to last. I seemed like a princess.
A cold princess.
It was not an easy night's sleep.

Everyone was pretty silent in the morning as we rode back to the village. We had a quick catch up with the people from the other camp, and we compare notes with other Australian on how much we should tip Pappu when we leave him, as subject much on our minds - as no one will give us a hint as to what is expected - but we did notice that yesterday he suddenly started talking percentages when discussing other people.
We amble across to the car and drive in a tired silence.

When we get to our hotel The Royale of Jaisalmer - room 101 is for us - in 1984 that's the room where they have your worst fears. It's ground floor and at the road side - but seems quiet enough.
The first order of business is de-sanding ourselves. Comically - we can see everyone we said goodbye to in the desert checking into the hotel too. We'll have to say goodbye all over again it seems.
We're tired.
It's hard to motivate to do anything.

We venture out after some showers and refreshing. There are the government mandated 8 guys at the desk, but the one we have to check in with is on the phone. I get the sign in documents - but none of them give me a pen. I mime for a while until it is just annoying, and I just ask for one.
We see Pappu on the street - he seems exhausted too. The drivers must have got up to Monkey Shines too last night once they were rid of us. He's organised a guide for us at 12:20. We have to find a polite way of saying "not today" We are pretty Fort-ed out. We might let this one slide.
We trudge up the hill to get some breaky. The place looks great - but we aren't functioning on a "look at the pretty" state of mind quite just yet.
We come upstairs to a restaurant that is empty, but out of no where 3 musicians start "the song of the wailing squeeze box" we think of paying 20rps to just get them to shut the hell up.
The manager makes a big show of putting money in and blessing us - his first customers of the year. Oh dear, I guess we have to tip the impromptu cat strangling session too.
I'm getting a bit too harsh.
We walk a little into the town.
Poor sales people who have to deal with people who have been in India for a while already, now when people say a price I simply laugh and walk away. You have to be prepared to never come back if you do it. They can spot acting. I'm so tired that my walk away even sounds like the sad walking away music from the incredible hulk show from the 70's.
I manage to divide a price by 3 with a simple sling of my backpack.
Booyaka.
KFS.

India 31.12.2009 part 1.5 On the road to Jaisalmer

2011-03-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

31.12.2009
On the road to Jaisalmer.
Only random images in my notes.
"Quarrys, wind power generators, Fleetwood Mac, near collisions.
Military Barracks, goats, sparse scrub land.
It look like the way to Yuendumu, but less red in the sand.
Camels.
Hearing an American voice can ruin any cultural experience."

India 31.12.2009 Jodphur

2011-03-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

Jodhpur 31.12.2009 am
Many post cards done this morning - many more to go. I sent 8 or at least there are 8 left with the desk guys to post for me.
Shower, moisturise and I'm ready to go to Bollyfood. With excited hearts and a quick negotiation with the Rickshaw guy we're off.

I don't think he know where it is though. We head in the wrong direction. Ok then. Oh, it was to ask his friends where it is.ok now were off...and..up and down the street. ok. Now he's decided to admit he doesn't know where it is. He does this at the critical moment when we have to decide a left or right turn. other people would call this moment "in the middle of a roundabout with traffic flowing around us and going nuts at us." We're just stopped and chatting in the middle of the road - chillax dudes.

We decide to head to where we had dinner previously. More directions, on to another place. More directions...and we found it! I give him and extra 100rp just for the trouble. He seems happy with that.

So here we are at Bollyfood. and it's....crap. there has obviously been a change in owners since the lonely planet people were here. What a massive let down.

We go outside and the rickshaw guy is still there. "Do you know the Garden Restaurant?" he says he does - we insist it's different to "On the Rocks" where we were last time. He agrees.They are next to each other it seems. he seems to know where it is - unfortunately his rickshaw then has a flat. So he flags another down and we get on that. He just takes us to "on the rocks" insisting that it is the place we wanted. We know it's not. Instead of arguing we just go for a walk down the street to the swank hotel.

How swank?

There's an armed guard at the gate.

Boom gate swank.

We ask twice if we can come in to the restaurant. He says yes twice, but we still walk expecting someone to yell at us as we proceed down the road to the courtyard.

We skulk around looking for the restaurant and see a sign "Garden Restaurant" hooray! When we get there it looks so posh we're still waiting for someone to throw us out.

Oh Dear God. A cocktail menu!

I have a cosmopolitan because I'm so hetrosexual. Eve finally gets her Bloody Mary. The rest of the time is people bringing us stuff. the band plays and we relax. This is why we have a Visa card.
Noice.
We wake up, watch some more WWE and get ready for the day
My breakfast jam comes in single serve sachets, everything does in India. There aren't enough of them in Australia. i want to have a "single serve store", maybe in a laundromat. Just for unemployed people who are really budgeting every meal to the cent. ONE wash's worth of laundry liquid please.
It would be gold I think.
Ok - check out time and a looong drive to our desrt NYE. 2010 an Indian Odyssey
KFS 8:50am 31.12.2009

India: Random facts

2011-03-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Ganish has an Elephant head because his Dad cut his head off.
In the market there are massive blocks of Sugar for sale that look like honeycomb.
It's really hard to not put your toothbrush in the stream of water in the basin in the bathroom when you are cleaning your teeth. Life time of habit.
There are spider webs of electricity cables everywhere over the streets. Why have these places not burnt down? how does anyone charge for it?
Beetle nut stuff comes in sachets that has a sexy chick on it. Essentially beetle nut covered in minty stuff. Weird tasting, I bought 5.
Some people have pimped out Rickshaws. -Pimp my Rickshaw would be a great TV show.
Product names. I swear to god I saw "jism"
Cars driving down the wrong side of the freeway is just an everyday thing. who are we to suggest it might be a little dangerous?
The exciting colour of your snot after a day of walking around the city and Bazaars all day. ewww. I don't want that in my lungs.
Single serve sachets of everything
the on-going game of chicken that is the drive on the freeway. apparently if you press the horn enough - the sound waves protect you from the other car who is also beeping his horn.

India 30.12.2009 Jodphur part 2

2011-03-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

Jodhpur 30.12.2009 (part two PM)

Money! get back Jack, keep your hands off my stack.
We had to pay the other 1/2 of our trip today, in cash.
$41,385rp to be exact.
The 1st ATM was out of cash.

We had to go through the entire process and have the "I'm out of money" screen before we knew this. A security guard sat next to the machine the whole time. We asked him "Is this machine out of money?" and he confirmed it for us. Could he have told us before we had gone on - thought there was an error and tried again? No man, this is India.

The 2nd ATM was out of service.

The 3rd sometimes read our cards. We had to keep trying different amounts as we weren't sure how many Rupes we had in our accounts. When we got to "ok I KNOW I have this much, it just blinked out and we were back at the welcome screen. argh!

The 4th was most user friendly, it actually told us what the maximum was that we could withdraw at one time. It was only 10,000rp. D'oh. it also didn't like to give out 1,000rp notes.

We had MASSIVE WADS OF CASH. Sometimes it even gave us 100rp instead of 500rps. So the wad was even bigger than it needed to be. time that by 4 and we were getting a little nervy walking around. If we didn't have a car it would have been a nervous rickshaw home for certain. We looked like we had robed a bank.

Once we'd Bonny and Clyde-ed back to the car we had a look the very pretty forts. I think the forts were made to hold all the small denomination notes that the rulers would have had to keep in spare rooms.

The fort is huge, it takes some time to walk around, and we can hear the sounds of fluted buskers everywhere. I can't remember what the instrument is called - must find out.

We left the car and walked down the hill - focused on "project bookshop". We found it - but darn it all it's being renovated. All the books were covered in dust and 3 deep in the shelves. The best we could do was look a the outermost books and sometimes the second tier in. We did find a few for the next week though. I even found one of the few Kurt Vonegurt books I don't have. Yay.

Also found a book by the author of "the Unbearable Lightness of Being" one of my favourite books.

End of the day we found the roof top on the roof top on the roof top. Any higher and we'd need a de-compression chamber to get back to the room. The view is amazingand the sun setting on the smoggy horizon has a great glow. ahh pretty.

Eve bought has bought a book on the Indian Pantheon so we're learning about the Indian Family of Gods.

As soon as the poor waiter climbs the stairs and delivers our Garlic Naan we can have our clandestine bottle of red.

Tomorrow is New Years desert night. Rahjisthan time is nearly over. Lets hope the dancing in the desert is a fine way to end the year. Tonight we're heading to Bollyfood.

Space crisis 2009: I gave all my cards to the concierge, so hopefully we'll have free memory for the 2nd half of our trip. Disaster is only a simple stuff up away though - and I was wary giving the cards away. I'll wait with baited breath to see how it all pans out.

KFS.

India 30.12.2009 Jodphur

2011-03-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

Jodhpur 30.12.2009 (part one AM)
I think it's Wednesday - but I'm not sure, it more 24 hours till new years than anything else - the actual days don't seem to matter much.
Ok, panic stations, I have to find a book shop today, as I'm down to listening to Tolstoy on the iPod.
Last night we went to the wackiest restaurant ever. Called "on the Rocks" it wasoutdoors, but kind of inside a man made dome. There were fairy lights everywhere. in the tree, under the table, on the ground, in the sky. It was like the contrast was up too high on everything. Much like being on acid.

There were white pebbles on the ground that weren't "crunch crunch crunch" as you walked, and they also added to to weird lighting effects going on.

There was a nigh club in the middle of the place, made out of rocks..or fibreglass rocks. A little like being in the Flintstones, as everything had a "Rock" ion the title.The nightclub was called "rocktails", but of course they don't actually make cocktails there.

When Eve tried to order a Bloody Mary the waiter laughed at her. I ordered a single shot of Vodka, and some lemon soda. they cam in two separate glasses, so I just popped them into the same glass - very Indian.

You have to resist thinking "couldn't the Bar Tender have done this?". As you'd get blank stares if you asked. We ordered a tasting plate thing as we were still kinda full from our "street food adventure" and it came out as "9 kind of Chicken" I fear I'll become one of those Mexican boys who grow breasts who leave near the battery farms and eat nothing but the chickens they catch that escape.

The celebration of yelling was over when we'd rickshawed home - and our itinerary and tickets for the next half of our trip in the South had arrived. So now we're going through the tickets and seeing where and when we're staying in places and doing stuff.

It'll be cold in the desert so having 4 nights on the beach in the South will be our happy thoughts.

Have to organise money for the travel peeps today. There may be some daily limit on withdrawal issues - but it's India so there probably won't be.

Our driver Pappu is probably waiting for us right now, we have to go and have a look at some of the forts around here today.
As I write this I'm on the roof - of course I am - and I can see a wall on the next horizon.

The Market was chaos - but you can tell it has been around longer than my country has existed.

Ok, very functional day ahead and at the end we're having dinner at a restaurant called "Bollyfood" - what better way to end a day could there be? We'll have to not eat all day - I fear we're gaining weight in India, against all plans and expectations to the contrary.
Finish coffee, look out over the city, go get things done - it's almost New Years, and it will be very very cold.
KFS.

India 29.12.2009 Jodphur

2011-03-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

Moo.

29.12.2009 Jodhpur.

Welcome to the Heritage Kuchaman Haveli. It look like a mini palace.woo.
Woo!
In Jodhpur. Busy Market, spices for sale. We were very brave and ate many things from stalls and street side vendors. My favourite was the Biscuit man, but when I went to get more of his stuff - he was gone.
Noooooooooooooooo!

Lots of things for sale, but nothing we want. Have to find a bookshop.

Also need to get some memory cards put to disk so I can keep taking photos. I've given my last card to Eve's camera, so we may come down to a space crisis!

Going to a fort tomorrow. It's a very impressive looking city, and a very impressive looking fort looking over us. It's called the Blue City but it's not as Blue as the Pink city was Pink. C'mon Jodhpur - lift your game.

The Hotel is very nice, Hot water with no protracted negotiation, and the building is very pretty. Sadly very close to Muslim Bobs Shouty Spectacular.

We're sipping wine and listening to the TV in Hindi, trying to drown it out.

We'll try to energy up and go out for dinner - right now though - it's red wine time.

yay!

KFS.

India 29.12.2009 Ranakpur

2011-03-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

Ranakpur day 2
Last morning in Ranakpur. Just had some toast and read the Lonely Planet. Looking forward to the next few days. Need to get to Jodhpur to buy new books. Also going to buy some work pants and get them made. fancy.

Ranakpur has the temple. It's very impressive and pretty. but for some reason, I just want to get out of here.

I had a complete spak out about the hot water at the place we are staying. Someone kept turning it off.

After my spak out they have been too scared to do it again. I wanted to know: who? who turned it off? why did they do it again and again after I had asked specifically for hot water. they didn't know what to do - I must have seemed like a crazy person. I was. I wanted my shower. We go for a walk up the road and find a textile factory that has hand made rugs. They look great - but we can't be carrying these sorts of things around - even though we are just looking - they make us a chai.

We played cards and Eve ate a toasty sandwich.We chatted to the Dutch couple next door, and then went to bed and listened to our books on iPod, there was not much more to do.

The older guy / head waiter made us write our address down as he has a Grandson in Darwin, he was there first person so far on this trip who knew where Darwin was.

He called him and wanted us top talk to him. I dodged him, but Eve wasn't so quick and had to talk to him. She is much much better at being social than I am anyway, but there wasn't much to actually say. "Um...how's the weather?" Awkward.

We will go now and re-pack and then be off to the new city.

The Rajasthan part of the trip is almost over - by the end I think I'll be ready to relax a bit down south. And we get the exciting train trip to mark the change with. I still need to send stuff home if I can, so I can keep on trucking and buying a few things. Sending the books and gifts I've already bought might be the go. I'll do that next town.

Ok Syme. finish your coffee and get packing - looooooooooooong drive ahead today.
KFS

India 28.12.2009 Ranakpur

2011-03-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

28.12.2009 Ranakpur

So now we're Ranakpur. It's very quiet, except for the chirping of birds, and the breeze through the trees. They look like eucalyptus, so it almost looks like we're in the mountains in Australia. The air is quite clear and it's very nice.

We had a look at India's version of the great wall of China on the way up here. We're up very high. I hope it's not going to be too cold...we're both a little off - at one point I have to stop walking because my legs are about to go from under me.

Score one for Eve - she's the first to get sick...tummy sick...with all the warning of "Syme I feel sick" and hilarity ensued.
Today she is sipping 7-up and feeling a little better, the real mtstery is: how? This trip we've been eating the same food, except for a couple of times, and one of those was me eating alone last night. So here I sit nervously waiting for a sign.

The place we're staying is fairly simple - there isn't anything to actually do, but it's very pretty.

I'm down to my last book, and alas - I've already read it! I accidently bought one I already own. I'm listening to one of the "books on iPod". The third in the "Traveller" series. At least with the book on tape I'm forced to "read" it as fast as someone reads it - so I know exactly how long I have left of it.

The next town is Jodphor, so I'll have to go on a book hunt while I'm there, as we have Trains and Planes in the next week.

ok. Today we have a little drive to the temple and that's about it. I'll try to get sick too so Eve doesn't feel too alone.
our energy is a little low - much 7 up to be drunk.
KFS.

India 27.12.10 - Bang the Drum baby.

2011-03-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

Udaipur 27.12.10
Oh the comedy. the awful, awful comedy.
The street view that I liked so much yesterday broke several of the UN's conventions on "noisy street in the middle of the night comedy".
First there was the Royal Society of Little Dudes That Have Had To Much Red Cordial - Udaipur Chapter. They decided it was Druming workshop time. (could I just say I love the term "drumming workshop" - have I said that before? it's like something is being worked out. 18 guys with drums, and one guy with a cow bell and the leader going " ok, good stuff, that's Gödel's incompleteness theorems taken care of, lets move on to the Grelling–Nelson paradox.") Anyways...

The drumming may have had some religious significance - but little dudes don't care - they were making noise. Lots and lots of noise. Outside my room. They cared about the religious aspect about as much as a kid with an arm full of easter eggs cares abort jesus.

Ok so that went on forever. I popped on my noise cancelling headphones, but they can only cancel so much.

At some point my book on tape was rabbeting on and I'd been asleep so I took it off. However it is easier to sleep to and iPod talking to me that to sleep to the street noise. the little intersection/ square of cobbled streets was acting like a amplifier and shooting the noises of cars, honking, dogs, and general nutsiness into my room.

My nose is blocked so I can't breathe very well either - I'm a bit grumpy.
I'm done with cultural sensitivity at this point. If Allah is so great in the mornings - then they can just set a freaking alarm. or they can just broadcast "beep beep beep" for a minute. The "let's all get down with god" song goes for about a year. Then I get an hour of snooze before the street starts up again.

I have a warning sign on today..
Yesterday:
After sitting and reading for a few hours we went to the Indian equivalent of "Ye Olde Times Festival". It was mainly stalls of people selling things - mainly the same stuff that is everywhere else, except the food was all a bit more traditional Indian food stalls. It felt like the royal show - even down to the plastic toys for kids, and people on bad PA systems making announcements.

Eve was mental for it. I did get some great photos though. really nice.
We drove home via an art gallery that specialises in the miniature art that they do with brushes made of a single hair. Lots of Elephants, Horses, and Tiger motifs.

Eating from the festival...what could possibly go wrong

Back into the city and e venture across the bridge for a quick bottle of red ona rooftop of the most tres swank hotel that isn't on an island. Now it's time for...OCTOPUSSY! The dumbest name for a 007 movie ever.
I've been trying to think of a better one while we watch it - but I can't - it's about Fabergé eggs, India, Russians, and Islands that only women are allowed on. So what would you cal it? "Eggs over easy...with Death" "007 - but for you my friend 005!" "eight arms to kill you". The movie is actually pretty cool to watch now I've been to the palaces. It stopped about 1/2 way through, so I don't know how it ends. I bet 007 dies.
Quick dinner - not great.

When we got back to our room the drumming workshop was going on, we decided to try our books on tape.

It took a few tries to get the staff t bring us some towels, they were distracted by the drums as we were.
Or they just couldn't be arsed bringing them up.
either is likely. The beat of the the Grelling–Nelson paradox is like that.

KFS.

India 26.12.2009

2011-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

Udaipur 26.12.10

Here we are on our last night

I am now complete - I have tasted Indian Champagne.

Having tasted Indian Champagne the next hurdle I have to jump is what to do with the second bottle that we are too scared to even open. Let alone drink. I am happy to still have my sight. And for the record - I'll drink ANY champagne usually.

A fairly relaxed day, Massage, then a haircut and shave.

The hairdresser was excited to be cutting some one's hair so short, so he asked if he could use "The Electric Scissors". (This immediately rocketed to the top of my list of band names.) Feeling a little reckless I said "what teh hey - setting 2 please!". They were so out of repair though that they didn't actually cut my hair, or it occasionally rattled into place and went "Bzzzt" and some hair came off. He kept going anyway, sure it was doing it's jo. I have pretty long hair (for me) at the moment, so I know when something is cutting at blade 2. It became kind of like the Monty Python Haircutter sketch. Eventually I had to tell him to just stop and use the scissors.

Then - the shave. I've never had someone shave me before. He got out a new razor, and prepared while I contemplated the many meanings of the name "Cut Throat Razor". An appliance doesn't get that name because it tickles.

Massaged, shaved, and skin hot toweled, I walked back to the hotel unbloodied.

Showered (mmmm hot shower), and we spent the next few hours playing cards on the roof top. At some point we sent the kid who works at the hotel to get us 2 bottles of champagne. Indian Champagne is...awful. It smell flammable. It tastes like the feeling of "You should go home - the party is over" It's flat, and it tastes like it will send you blind. No..it tastes like a hangover.

We drank it anyway with periodic "can you still see me?" checks. What do we do with the second bottle is beyond me. Thank fully it is pretty small. But do we even want to carry around a bottle of "Liquid headache"?

Then a little nap (recovering - but still not %100) and watching the wrestling on TV. Yay. That's what Christmas id all about.

Cooking class. We came. We cooked. and we left thinking we should cook more. I want to make my own cottage cheese. Better buy me a cottage. I'm sure everyone who left the class thinking that they should buy a spice box. I know I did.

If any Indians come Australia, I will defiantly teach them how to make Steak and 3 veg.

We can hear Octopussy playing as we cook - it must be 7pm, the time set aside for the playing of the 007. We must actually watch it sometime and see what all the fuss is about.

Home to the hotel to clutch our tummies and say "arghhh too much food" but when you make the chapati you kind of have to eat it. You can't have the Kofta mocking you.

The dude cam to our door with the washing and scarpered with my change - they have me picked as a soft touch. No more Mr nice Syme.

In the morning we have to move to another hotel. It seems there are no free rooms in our hotel, but Mr Hotel man has us a room at a hotel up the street. So we go for a look.

It's crap.

and 1200rps a night. We opt to go for a walk. After a few knock backs, we find a room for 800rp and it has a nice view. Sold. we go back for our increasingly heavy backpacks, and we head up the hill to the new hotel.. We may have to send some stuff home, it's getting heavy. I might send some clothes home that I won't wear - as my jeans seem to be it - and all I'll need is a pair of shorts down south.

I really want to knick some bottles. I so love bottles. and the only way I'll be able to steal some will be by making room in my pack. If I start now it will lead to tears, so I'll wait until we head south.

Ok. So right now I'm sitting in the tres - cool cafe with tres cool Europeans around me and Americans being over earnest to each other.

I'm going to act cool, eat my cake and read my book. I can see the lake from where I am and women wearing bright coloured Saris washing their clothes on the Ghat on the other side of the lake.

Confused Japanese tourists are asking me for directions to the palace, and older tourists are listening to a French man give them very bad advice on how to move music from one iPod to another. Who knows how much damage he's doing. hee hee hee.

ok Cake time!

KFS

India: How to sell stuff (26.12.2009)

2011-03-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Simply stand with your thumb pointed to your shop as people walk past. As they do raise an eyebrow as if to say "Eh?"
Wait until someone is looking at your stuff.
Walk over to them and state the obvious.
If you sell Pants, say "Pants!", then the person says "Mmmm Pants."
At this point you can go for broke, and responding is a form of verbal contract - go immediately into detailed information about the stock you have out the back, "many sizes, many colours!"
The Kasmiery way.
Be annoyed that the person has even bothered to look anywhere else. "You need Pants. I have Pants. Why would you keep looking? My Pants are right here." The tone of voice is important - you must have a tone that suggests "It's your goddamn fault I still have so many Pants."
The Drug Dealer approach.
(Loud Voice) "You like ponies?"
"yeah ponies are nice I guess" (walking away)
"Yes, we all like ponies"
"mm hmmm" (walking away quite quickly now)
(quiet voice) "you want hashish? I have ball of hashish for you"
"Um...no thank you."
(loud voice) "Ok my friend we will talk more about Ponies very soon!"
The 180.
You walk into a Pants Shop, "Anything you like?"
"Just having a look thanks" and start to walk out.
"you want..um...super glue? I have a brother who sells super glue!" this will be followed by many other random turns "Perhaps Rice Flour?"
Ignore you completely.
This will only happen when you actually want assistance

whoosh whoosh whoosh

2011-03-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

pulsatile tinnitus.

It's being able to hear your pulse in one ear.
Usually when it's quiet - but especially when you're going to sleep.
It's what I now have.
My ear drums are covered with scar tissue - and I actually have pretty bad hearing loss. I won't tell you what ear though - as you will start to shout at me.
It's why I can hear you better when I can see your mouth. (It may also have been used as an excuse to look at people's lips when I was caught by them doing so.)

The good news is - as of today - it's not related to my heart, or my blood pressure. I'd be annoyed if it did, as I've lost about 7 kilograms in the last couple of months.
The Dr says my blood pressure is "excellent" and my asthma is kept at bay by a very small dose of the drugs I'm on.
My Thyroid is also fine.
All up the news is good, and I will live a very long time.

except they don't know what is causing the noise.

so..the games begin. first stop and anti biotic - in case it's an infection deep in the recesses of my head...
just ignore the noise....

whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh
kfs.