not that hungry. AKA Flat Out of Hell

Oh my lordy. I watched the start of the Australian Football League (?) grand final this weekend. (I know it's called AFL..it could stand for "All For Love" but that would be very Robin-hood-esque) 
The reason I watched the start was for the "pre-game entertainment". Some times it's good, sometimes it's off the mark for the event, sometimes it's bad. Like when you realise someone is miming...and sometimes 
it's....Meat Loaf.
Last year there were two grands finals - this is about as far as my football knowledge goes.

The first game ended in a draw - so they had to play again.

It doesn't happen very often - so there's no "overtime rule" or something like that. It's not Soccer, there aren't only 5 or 6 goals in a whole game, there are multiple points and goals scored.
any way the upshot of this was that we got 2 rounds of warm up entertainment.

The first round was INXS. With Johnny Bravo, or JD Salinger or someone as the new front man. You can just call him "Not Michael Hutchence" as that's pretty much how everyone refers to him.

If a band ever had a "we're here - just give us a sack of cash" it was INXS. Bobby Fortune isn't great anyway...but in Australia he's pretty much a foreigner in the front of an Australian band. they have apparently relaced him with an Irish guy now - that may be better - at least he's in the commonwealth...

Because there was the need for a quick replacement - they got someone who was on tour - they got Lionel Ritchie.

..and you know what - he rocked.

Flash forward a year - and they have another big name to provide the opening fun. 

They got Meat Loaf. You want a guy to sing an opus. This is your guy...apparently. I tuned out around the "anything for love" era - I still don't actually know what he was promising not to do...probably forgetting to put the washing on...most relationships get there eventually. I do know the words to a few of his songs, and have more than a few friends who can (sadly) recite the monologue in "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", and will do so. Even if you ask them not to.

That song is actually one of the "most time for you $2" song list for monopolising a jukebox. The others are American pie, the 15 minute version of Voodoo Child, and the Doors "when the Music's Over". There are longer - but you won't likely find them in an average pub. You may find Jethro Tull occasionally - Thick as a Brick is up there too. If you find "Inna-gadda-da-vida" pop it on and run - people will throw glasses at your head rather than listen to Iron Butterfly these days.

but I digress.

The Loaf was....awful.

Not just "wow he went a bit flat there" or "ha! he got the words wrong" he was "holy crap he's having a stroke" awful.

He was "That guy might be on a drug of some kind" awful.

I was watching the twitter feed - because I was on my iPad while watching TV - because these days I get weird if I'm not multitasking. The comments were the same as mine- asking if there was something wrong with him - not teasing - genuine concern. "Get a stretcher and a med team" type of concern.

It's so bad...it's hypnotising.

You can try to sing as off key and out of time as he did - but it's actually really hard - I've been trying to imitate him all weekend.

Watch the whole thing and then come back to me.

He starts out bad, but you still have the "well it's a stadium and maybe that's why his timing is off", then you think that that's why he might be a bit off key.

I watched Rocky Horror on the weekend. He used to know how to annunciate. On key or not.

But all he is doing is yelling "HAWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTT PAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOO-TEEEEEEEEE!" after mumbling through the words from the song from Rocky Horror.

and from the start - he's not even hitting that.

as it gets on - he deteriorates.

All he had to do was say "you took the words right out of my mouth" while Patti Russo props the whole thing up. Without the backing vocalists there would be no way to know the speed the songs supposed to be going at. We're at 33 and a 1/3 , the Loaf is at about 23.

By the time they get to I would do anything for Love, Patti is well and truly the only person who should have been on the stage.

She's powerful and can sing. the contrast is shocking. She's sung with orchestras doing Beethoven's Immortal Beloved.

by the time it gets to "I won't do That" someone should have turned his mic off.
5:23 it's as bad as it gets...

Post game on Monday - the head of the AFL has said "Meat Loaf gave his best".

no. The Jamaican Bobsled team did their best. they failed...but they tried.

This is someone who was paid in excess of $500,000.

Not the "everyone gets a medal" day at Little Athletics.

There are apparently thousands of ticket holders who are trying to get their money back before the concerts ringing the ticket people today.

there is no way this guys manager would think he is up to scratch. Being that the Loaf used to be incredibly talented....how can he not tell how off he is now?

At what point is it an artists responsibility to have full disclosure? There is something clearly wrong.

I did a bit of a Youtube safari and compared concert footage, tracing a time line.
You can see him getting worse and worse, it's not a new thing.

There are thousands of people who have paid for tickets to see this guy sing very very badly.

I was almost one of them.

I've seen Stand up comedians fall flat - link here.

but they- the poor fools - honestly thought they were funy.

You can't sue someone for being off key.

but at this stage - I would have preferred to have seen JD Fortune sing Meat Loaf songs.

mmmm...get me a promoter on the phone...