India 06.01.2010 Kerela - Cochin - Fort Kochi

Morning!

I am a new man.

Wake, shower and coffee in an almost empty breakfast area.

Kererla is very busy…but no cows to speak of. Yay! (poor cows)

The traffic is flowing (kind of anyways) and the beeping is down to a dull roar.

The place feel a little like Singapore – and would you believe it – Shorts!

It’s warm – hello now my white white legs are an international issue.

There is greenery everywhere; it is very different to the north. When we drive to the islands to do some site seeing / shopping it’ more like Asia or Bali.

There are so many whitey tourists around we’re back in tourist-ville clearly.

It’s like a slow acclimatisation on getting back to Darwin.

We go have a look at the Chinese Fishing Nets and let ourselves be ripped off by street vendors.

I have an exchange with the cute little girl making bracelets that shows the fierce Gordon Gecko that lurks within her. I got my bracelet but we had to have several discussions about her pricing policy on “things I didn’t ask for and don’t actually want”. It’s not like you don’t know you’re going to get ripped off – it’s just a question of how much you want to get ripped off by. A controlled descent as it were.

When they have their usual ripping off – fine ok. I can afford that. It’s when they go for the jugular with all the other “also ands” and the “let’s see what we can get away with’s” that I press the brake. It’s kind of expectation management.

I think this girl and her cohort actually thought they were going to get away with their scam until the payment issue arose. It was mostly bait and switch stuff, they ended up just burning off the extra bits of bracelet (It was Nylon rope) that I didn’t want / ask for.

We go and have a look at some historic forts and things that are either being repaired or have been left a little to rack and ruin. There is history everywhere though.

there is also a Tyrannosaurus in the garden....I don't know why.

So the end of the day of Kerala was beer while the sun went down. Nice.

We stopped in to see a martial arts demonstration – as they claim that their marital arts are over 2000 years old, they say it’s the oldest.

Cool I can accept that.

It was when they started to claim that every other martial art was derived from theirs that I got a little sceptical.

They should probably be careful saying that to a Japanese or Chinese person.

They will kung fu your ass.

The demonstration started.

Gayest.

Martial.

Art.

Ever.

Well choreographed dudes dancing with swords is not a martial art.

It’s a calisthenics program at best.

It does answer the question of why there were no Indian Ninjas though.

Were the guys fit? Yep.

Were they bendy? Yep

But I have seen pole dancers that can also answer those two questions as well.

Could they stop an attack? Maybe, if the attacker submitted their plan in writing 2 week prior to the attack and suggested what music they might be attacking to.
I was more terrified of Flashdance.

They had one demonstration that was just twirling a stick around. At one point I was sure he was just going to yell “Goooooooooooooooooo Cougars!” and become a cheerleader.

So, this is why most of the world is more terrified of Yoga than the Indian Martial arts. Yoga has surely hospitalised many many more people.

I also stumbled apon a new type of sales person today: the commentary track.

They will follow you around a shop and name everything that you touch, like they might make a sale by simply clarifying what the items are. I was going to start touching myself to see if I could get a game of “Head Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” happening.

Tomorrow we head out to the houseboat. Mozzie repellent packed – let’s go look at some serenity.